Posted by gmb on June 17, 2006, at 8:02:41
I wrote a note a few months ago about how happy I was to have achieved a steady, happy state. (I wrote it under a different username that I can't seem to use any more.) I'd started with an ADHD diagnosis and started Ritalin. It helped at first, but my moods went up and down with the dose. I started at 15mg per day, finally going to 90mg. I was angry a lot, especially coming off the medication in the evening. Back to the doc.
Hmmm, it looks like it was depression as well, just like I'd suspected. I started Cymbalta at 20 mg, going to 40mg daily, with smaller amounts of Ritalin. Everything went great except for the sexual side effects. Back to the doc.
How about dropping to 20mg of Cymbalta? Not effective. OK, let's add Wellbutrin at 100mg, moving to 300mg, keeping Cymbalta and Ritalin at 20mg and 20mg daily. This seemed to work, but it was never as good as the higher Cymbalta dose.
Four months ago, I made a huge career change. I gave up half of my salary to have more free time with my family. Depression returned intermittently along with periods of intense anxiety. The doc said it was to be expected and it would settle down.
But, it hasn't. The past two weeks have been horrible. I contacted the doc by e-mail, letting him know that things are bad. I admitted that I'd been using alcohol to cut the fears. I didn't like to admit that, and he didn't like it at all either, and I don't blame him. He told me to stop the alcohol and keep a diary of my feelings and desires to drink. I've done that.
The past two weeks have included periods of extreme dread, suicide ideation, inability to focus at work, killer headaches all day long, anger, etc.
I'm just not even sure what to think about where I should go next from a medication perspective. I'm not the doc, but something isn't right. I know that it makes no sense to take three meds daily and still feel this way. I don't want to go back to the sexual side effects. Benzos worry me because I'm a long distance runner and they can't possibly do anything but hurt me there, I'd think. Buspar seems to have a low success rate.
I already gain weight easily, despite my running, so something like Remeron worries me as well.
Other SSRIs worry me (and my wife) because of sexual side effects.
Any thoughts from the wealth of experience out there? I might go back into therapy as well for a while. The doc seems to think this is all a temporary or minor setback, still related to the job change. He's the pro, but I think that I'm past the worry about the change. It's been great, we're doing OK on less money, and yet, I feel like crap. Will it just resolve on its own in another month or two?
If I'm going to feel this bad, I see no reason to continue to pay for three meds. I may as well save the money and feel bad on my own.
GMB
poster:gmb
thread:657928
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060617/msgs/657928.html