Posted by puravida on June 23, 2006, at 10:15:49
In reply to Juggling with my hands tied » puravida, posted by curtm on June 22, 2006, at 11:54:02
Hi all,
Thanks for the feedback and support. Yesterday and the day before I took an extra 10 mg of Prozac. I also took 800 mg of SAMe (had been taking 600). It is probably too early to tell for sure, but I see some light peeking through the fog. All my "balls" look fairly managable today - it occurs to me that I can enjoy them if I could stop worrying about them.
Anyhow, it occurs to me, once again, that to a certain degree, trying to get out of depression without meds is like trying to unroll yourself out of a cocoon of saran wrap - doable - maybe. Taking the right amount of meds is like having one arm free - the rest is still a sticky mess, but you can do something about it.
I am sure there is a better analogy, and I may get back down in the dumps again quite soon, but my "real" thought is - screw the "underlying beliefs" that "cause" my depression. I don't stew in my "underlying beliefs" when I am not depressed. Or, maybe more accurately, my underlying belliefs get CHANGED when I am depressed. How can the depressed me be the same person as the one I seem to forget when I am depressed, who was pretty cool? How is it that all of a sudden my "underlying beliefs" have taken control of me and are negative?
OK, I guess you can tell I feel somewhat more confident that the perspective that I had and that you guys helped me see was accurate.
Sometimes I think that it should be a prerequisite for all Dr's who deal with depression and anxiety to have struggled with it themselves. It is only after the fog clears a bit and I stop blaming myself that I see how insideous it is - how important it is to get help from people who understand.
Today, while I don't feel sure of this - I certainly feel closer to taking care of myself - self care, like you mention, curt, is one of the most important things I neglect. I don't feel tempted, really at all, to binge - in fact I am feeling like getting some exercise and eating a healthy meal.
Is all of this cognitive? Did I think my way out of it? To me - I can't explain why I have these more positive urges any more than I can explain the destructive ones. The only thing I can think of, and the only thing I have had consistent results from, is a change in medication - and that allows me to get the balls organized - especially the self-care ball that is so important.
OK - enough - thank you all again. I will post again to let you know if the funk/bingeing comes back, or if I am still getting free, bit by bit.
pv
poster:puravida
thread:659549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060623/msgs/660562.html