Posted by deniseuk190466 on September 4, 2006, at 3:56:40
Hi,
I really feel like I'm at loggerheads with my current psychiatrist and I just want somebody else's view on this because sometimes I hate him, sometimes I feel sheer frustration, sometimes I feel sorry for him
In some ways I feel sorry for him because I can be very dificult and argumentative but then If I was feeling ok I know I wouldn't be like that.
He's very nice and caring but like my mum says I always go along to see him with ideas in my head about what I want to take next and he just doesn't want to know.
I suppose really with any doctor/psychiatrist the idea is you go along to see them, have faith in them and follow their instructions, you don't go along and tell them what you want to try next and then argue with them when they won't let you.
This latest bout of depression, general disatisfaction with life etc, suicidal thoughts, started five years ago, I naively believed because I'd always responded so well in the past to seroxat that I'd respond well to it again, I didn't though, they made me very agitated at 20mg and I didn't respond so my psychiatrist at that time tried Mirtazapine/Remeron and then doxiapen and then Sertraline and doxiapen and the prozac and then prozac and lithimu and then effexor and the lamictal for ages on it's own which didn't seem to help. The only drug that helped was Zyprexa when the anxiety and weakness was really bad. I resisted taking Zyprexa regularly and the psychiatrist never insisted I take it regularly. After being on lamictal for months with no real benefit, the psychiatrist at the time let me try Nardil when no other psychiatrist had been prepared to. In any event the Nardil just made me feel dazed and confused but fine when I took a Zyprexa with it. So we stopped Nardil and the psychiatrist decided to give Seroxat a try, only this time at a higher dose of 40mg. After feeling crap for about 4 days it suddenly started to kick in a bit, I remember vividly, It was around April 2003 and I'd been lying around at my friends house in Stratford, feeling sick, suicidal and "here we go again" type feelings. Then on the fourth day at around 5pm I decided I had to get up, couldn't just keep lying there so walked to the fish shop for him to get some fish and chips. On the way back I suddenly noticed a change of perception, a feeling of well being and a great appetite. After that I started to get pleasure out of life again although I never felt I was completely out of the woods (so to speak)
During the following two years, I started to learn to play the piano, started enjoying life again to some degree, went on holiday to Goa and enjoyed it. Because I knew that I wasn't in total remission I went to Vancouver (whilst I feel some optimism) to try out rTMS. The rTMS didn't help.
Anyway around christimas of 2005 the old depressive feeling started to creep in, I sort of knew because a friend was on about us going on holiday and I thought would it matter if the plane crashed.
July of last year I was made redundant at my job at IBM and thereore lost my medical insurance so had to go and see a psychiatrist on the NHS instead. I told him I wanted to try adding something to the Seroxat to get it to work again, so at his suggestion I took Tegretol, went to seem after a month, told him it wasnt working so again at his suggestion I took Buspar again this didn't seem to work and at our next session a month later I told him I wanted to try something else instead even though he wanted to increase the dose of the buspar. He then at my insistance put me on thyroid hormone but with great reluctance and he only gave me T3 and not T3 and T4 which is what I wanted.
Well to cut a long story short, the T3 addition didn't work, he then wanted me to add Zyprexa regularly to the Seroxat but I didn't want to so he sent me for a 2nd and a 3rd opinion both of them pretty much agreed with him and at my last appointment with him I told him that I'd stopped the Seroxat because I couldn't see the point in taking a drug that was no longer working. I lied to him and told him that I'd been taking zyprexa on a daily basis.
In my own mind there were a few options I wanted to try next these were Efexor and Remeron or just lyrica or maybe ECT. He really didn't want to know and was suggesting that I was admitted to hospital so that he could monitor me properly. I asked him what his treatment plan would be and he told me after my insistance that it would probably be an SSRI and Zyprexa. I don't understand his reasoning for admitting me into hospital just to put me on that particular combination. Anyway that's not the point
My rationale for coming off the Seroxat and staying off it and any other SSRI is that maybe if I have an eight month break on it, I can eventually go on it again and it might work again. But in the meantime I wanted to try something with a completely mode of action like maybe (Effexor and Remeron) combined, ECT or lyrica. I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I left his surgery after having managed to get him to prescribe Remeron instead of the Seroxat, even though that was not what I wanted because I know Remeron on it's own doesn't work for me.
I've been feeling very very low, morose and morbid because I'm now not taking anything and am undecided what to do next, although strangely I've not had any anxiety. Now my mum has just been told she has the early stages of cancer which I'm hoping will be treatable but which is worrying me and making me feel extremely guilty about neglecting her so much over the past five years and giving more time to my own condition than I have to her. And I also feel guilty over all the worry I've caused her and unhappiness I've caused her.
I just want some advise because I know I'm not always the most rationale person. I have been thinking about just taking the mirtazapine with the Zyprexa now and again but not sure what the point of that would be. AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhDenise
poster:deniseuk190466
thread:682949
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060901/msgs/682949.html