Posted by Racer on October 28, 2006, at 15:00:10
In reply to Re: Trying Emsam., posted by SLS on October 28, 2006, at 8:51:57
> . I am being really silly about this. I don't usually go into something with a negative attitude,
Welcome to my world, Scott! Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
At this point, I figure it's best for me to expect I'll panic over starting any new drug. That way, when I decide that my life is effectively over because the drug is poisoning me, I'll have a pretty good chance at laughing about it. At least in between the crying jags... {rolls eyes}
Seriously, though, Scott, I think it's pretty normal to find yourself thinking that way. You've had a lot of disappointments over the past year or so, and I've watched your outlook become less and less positive. I can't imagine what it must be like to be you right now, and I wish there was anything I could offer to help. I know I'm thankful my situation isn't as bleak: Wellbutrin on its own is good enough to keep me halfway functional, even if my anxiety is a problem; and the addition of Ritalin or Dexedrine boosts my mood, although the combination does nothing good for anxiety. (It does help a bit, in that I don't go into that vicious circle as often, where the anxiety and the depression whirl off into a Viennese waltz that spirals into the Slough of Despond.) At least there is something that allows me mostly a tolerable level of functioning.
I wish there was something that offered at least that much for you.
> Of course, I might be singing its praises two months from now.
>
>
> - ScottAnd so you might. I hope you are.
On a very personal note, Scott, although you often refer to the cognitive difficulties you have due to your illness, I think you may have lost sight of some of the cognitive abilities you've maintained through it all. For one thing -- a very important thing, in my not-so-humble-on-this-topic opinion -- you're curious. Your curiosity about options, mechanisms, how it all fits together, and where it fits in the larger context of life seems to be intact. That, in and of itself, is a tremendous accomplishment. And you've obviously been able to collect and synthesize information about your condition, and the options on the horizons for treating it. Again, particularly considering the complexities involved, that's pretty damned impressive, if you ask me -- although no one did. Despite your pain, you're still able to look outside of yourself to see others' pain, and try to help. And I don't just mean in the passive sense of looking at what's written here and saying, "Oh, yeah, other people say they're hurting." Whenever I read your responses here, what comes across most is how much you really seem to empathize and *care* about the people you're writing to. It never comes across as impersonal data being shared, but as though you have a personal stake in this person's recovery. That's why you're so popular here, you know. Even if you don't always see it. You've earned every bit of the respect people here have for you, as well as every bit of the affection we feel for you.
There's more, of course, but I gotta do laundry. ;^) Taken all together, though, don't you think that's one hell of an accomplishment, considering the handicap you're working under?
If I could, I'd kiss the spot under that patch every morning for luck. I can't, but the caring is still there. Good luck with it.
poster:Racer
thread:698340
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20061028/msgs/698514.html