Posted by ace on February 11, 2007, at 21:08:43
In my last message I wrote...
"(I) have found an interesting correlation between my OCD and youth.
This has made me almost positive that psychiatric disorder results from trauma exposed to us (mostly in our formative years) and the disorders, in many ways, OCD being a prime example, act as a mechanism to hide a deeper emotion....extreme anger for example...."
I now will continue...
1. My OCD is very extreme and painful. It DOES have pychotic ideation related to it when it is sever. Antipsychotics seem only to ameliorate my OCD.
2. EVERY time I use a medication which is successful on my OCD, for the first 3-5 doses, I have the same dreams. These relate to me being EXTREMELY angry at my parents. I swear at them in my dreams, feel such anger at them. Even, at times, I actually shout out "F%$k You, Mum" or "F%$k you, Dad" even though I am 95% in sleep.
I remeber such things as my Mum saying "are you stupid" in an angrily fashion, when i was around 4 y/o and could not tie my shoelaces.
2. The other night, just before falling asleep, I had some very brief OCD feelings. They were painful and stifling. That night I had the same dreams. Feeling extreme anger at my Father, and swearing at him.
I have actually explained this phenomena to Mum and Dad. They feel extremely guilty and try to avoid the subject.I don't feel they did anything wrong. They did the best they do, like we all do.
I love them very much, and they are so so so supportive and caring.
Once in a relapse I was crying to Mum, and she was ready to fly up within an hour and collect me and get me to them.
I really am interested to here if anyone out there has had similiar experiences or can empathize....
Ace!PS- never ever losse your sense of humour, even when things feel they couldn't be worse!!!
poster:ace
thread:731962
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070207/msgs/731962.html