Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 17, 2007, at 22:44:15
Hi all,
Update on me. I haven't been posting much lately. I have not been feeling so well. There was the period when I had terrible insomnia for a few weeks, and the week when I felt manic- panic for many hours a day.I guess that's what happens when I tinker with my brain chemistry.
I was stable on a cocktail of
300mg seroquel, 120 cymbalta 200 provigil .5 klonopin for about 3 mos. Stable concerning psychiatric symptoms, but my weight was going up up and away!Now I'm unstable on a cocktail of
160mg geodon, 60 cymbalta, 100-200 provigil, .5 klonopin.
I think I'm pretty much through the acute withdrawal from seroquel and cymbalta. I didn't have many side effects at all from starting geodon.
problems are that 1) my mood is uncertain and unstable. 2) I have been having more and more episodes of flashback-terror
Last night I had the worst episode I've had in about 5 months. I have to take the geodon twice a day with food, and I was about 6 hours late with my first dose of the day. crap.
Then I was reading an article in Playboy on combat-related PTSD (really interesting, by the way. recommended reading) and it kind of triggered me, and seeing a show about a psychic criminal investigator who was having flashbacks and such didn't help much either.
By mid-evening, I felt totally psycho. I was losing my notion of single consciousness and single self. Instead I felt this urgent call to destroy myself and it took every ounce of effort to stay in the here-and-now and not succumb to losing consciousness and going back/forward in my imagination. I had to use all my coping mechanisms- some of them healthy, and some not so healthy- just to stay in my body and feel connected.
At some point I realized that I was going to be okay, yet I still felt incredibly strange, like an observer of my own actions rather than an agent. I felt a horrible paranoia and didn't want to post because I was sure I was going to get locked up or do something regrettable.
Part of me wanted to be saved and helped and part of me did everything possible to prevent that.
in short a pretty dangerous evening. :( And I felt lucid throughout all of it, but not in control. dunno if THAT makes any sense?
Well, I guess some pharmacologic changes are in the works. I suppose some of those feelings fall into the category of "psychotic", since I definitely lost track of reality (paranoia, dissociation, depersonalization, loss of free-will...).
I didn't realize that 6 hours and a missed dose separates ME from PSYCHO. Now I guess I have to figure out how to give myself a little more wiggle-room, since stress happens.
I do feel a lot more PTSD'd than I have in a LONG time.
what are my options? increase geodon, try another atypical antipsycho? try another AD? all of the above?
mix of seroquel and cymbalta was great for my moods, but not so good for my body...
sorry so long.
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:733725
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070213/msgs/733725.html