Posted by scratchpad on July 4, 2007, at 7:33:05
I've been back on a full dose of Cymbalta for 7 weeks and my depression is worse than it's ever been. I want to not wake up. I sleep 16 - 18 hours a day lately. When I have a good day, I scramble to get done whatever I can before I crash again.
I called my pdoc's office (Dr MudBucket) for an emergency appointment. July 12th was the date I was given. "But," said the sweet, clueless lass on the other end of the phone, "he'll have a cancellation tomorrow (that was yesterday). He always has cancellations." (That's a sign right there, isn't it??)
Except for yesterday, I guess, because I got no call. I have an appointment scheduled for a new pdoc, many miles away, for the 31st of the month, so I know the cavalry is on the way. But right now? I'm hanging in there, but not very well. I don't feel well enough to leave the house most days. I still have my once a week volunteer job that I've been able to paste a smile on for, though the rest of the day is spent in bed and in tears.
Any advice for how to hold on when you want to die? I don't want to kill myself, I just don't care enough to live right now. Like I don't care if I don't wake up, but I wouldn't take anything to ensure that would happen. I can't stand any noise, I can't listen to music, I can't read, I can't eat with any enthusiasm, though I am eating. I drink water and take my meds as prescribed. I sleep.
Scratchpad
poster:scratchpad
thread:767551
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070630/msgs/767551.html