Posted by iforgotmypassword on July 5, 2007, at 5:04:57
now i am in cloudy happy zone. please read with me. i have a plan and would love all the world for input.
currently what is in my body is 100-200mg of sudden lamotrigine, quite a bit of ativan, but curiously not making me feel like an amnesiac this time, propanol, which is somewhat effective vs. my tardive akathisia and daytime bruxism, not ideally, but i am feeling smooth for once. not exhausted but tense, angry, and pacing. my face looks normal and not stretched for once. 1-800-BOTOX please, is most of the time for me.
i am interested in stuff now, and have emailed so many people socially, except for the person i am madly attracted to. i really really want to. wow, so i am actually madly attracted to someone, i except some celebration soon. i am alive? yay for foreign feelings surfacing themselves!
whatever else is in me, don't know if i forgot anything prolly not. oh. estrogen (lots,) antiandrogen, and B-100 complex. i hope the f--- i remember. so, PLAN:
*-**-*
|PLAN|
*-<3-*1. i go to nearest cross-border town which is less than an hour away, find a nearest costco i hope is there, use a canadian rx i hope my pdoc is allowed to make, and buy american generic guanfacine hopefully cheep cheep cheep. i also will hopefully buy campral, but that's for later.
2.a)i go off all my other meds start guanfacine 2x a day at 1mg, or 4x a day of 0.5mg)), then go up to 4x1mg a day (4mg total) in 2-3 days. i may add aricept or an M1 cholinergic if i experience dry mouth, blurry vision, or urinary retention, anticholinergic skare me hugely.
2.b)the only drugs i stay on during this phase 2 high-dose magnesium malate or glycinate (or both), acidophilus, and B6 or B complex (and maybe methylb12 sublingual), and zinc, and maybe even high dose vitamin c (but that maybe likely later). i will keep with the high dose estrogen. after guanfacine 4x day, i add 10mg propanolol 4x day.
3.i reintroduce lamotrigine 50-100mg (likely, or maybe higher) with campral. this is to combat and kill the tardive crap i have dealt with ever since paxil. hopefully to synergize with my magnesium intake. and also hopefully protect and heal my dopaminergic neurons so they can drive for me again, not just send me in these anxious frustrated doomsday circles.
5. eventually after a month or two, i may start to go off or reduce meds one by one to see if i have had enough improvement, if i sense permanent final healing. i want to keep some neuroprotective stuff tho, and maybe add selegiline (or maybe rasagiline!) or even do that in an earlier stage. i will also keep my ethusiastic eyes open for the day gepirone and amisulpride become easily available.
6. now cialis, for when i have pieced my health and hygeine back together, and relearned what i liked about myself and what i like in clothes etc. i am transgendered person (male-bodied), i do not like my body, but certain cool people i have been with have helped me not be ashamed of my body during sex, like that aspect of me isn't at all relevant. i just become that non corporeal yet fully tactile responsive bliss, and with the indestractible passionate attention they cover me with... a lot more comfortable when they have control and have learned what i am comfortable with. it works. unfortunately the equipment i have, really doesn't work that well given the hormones i take, and the fact that i kinda zone out from that part of my body doesn't help until my lover has made me forget it... after i zone out i am totally there and incacacitated to pleasure if its the right person. in which case i kind of need one of those cialis drugs to do this. i have someone interested in me, and we always want to do private things, so if things might be going there... i don't really want to run away.
i plan to try and buy the highest dose put in the pill cutter twice to make it into quarters for each day. i will take it once a day and take advantage of its longer half-life, maybe taking it every second day...
anyway. the life of a she-male. you may see me in porn someday... after i get my life together.
hopefully i will not be in porn, but it makes amazing money for surgery, and you meet guys willing to pay for surgerys for you!
hope i make sense. input input input (!!!)
input would be amazing.
xoxoxoxo
poster:iforgotmypassword
thread:767794
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070630/msgs/767794.html