Posted by PoolGuy on June 16, 2008, at 16:41:31
Hello,
I am really sorry but this post if going to be long.I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I have been checking this forum for some times now and just felt like posting.
I would like to know if there is anyone out there that feel like I do and had success with any kind of medication.
I feel like my mind is blank, most of the time. Not much thoughts enters my mind(of course they do enter my mind because I can talk, read and write) but it's like I am not aware of my thoughts anymore. It's like they have lost their substance, I just cannot seem to experience my thoughts in my head. My consciousness has shut down in some kind of way, I feel like I have lost my soul. It's like the intensity of everything that I do experience is dramatically reduced to almost nothing. I don't really feel human anymore. Although, you may see me or talk to me and I might look pretty normal sometimes.
I really don't know what to do about this. I cannot experience emotions and real pleasure in things or situation I should. But at least I know why I am like this. My main problem is social anxiety. Years ago, it led me to isolation, which led me to depression and anxiety for no reason. I then took zoloft but only for 3 days. It just terribly aggravated my anxiety and gave me insomnia that went away after that. This sent my into a terrific episode of total depersonalization/derealization with constant terror, my thoughts were running very fast in that time. It was the most terrific experience of my life. But with time, the anxiety/depersonalization started to fade away. But my thoughts also started to calm down, then they slowly dissapeared to send me in some kind of zombie state like I had taken antipsychotics. But I took nothing.
Now I have done some positive changes in my life in terms of social phobia, but there is still a lot to do! However, no matter what I do, or the time of the day, I cannot experience my thoughts or any sort of pleasure or emotion.
So when you talk to me about anhedonia, apathy, emotionnal numbness, low energy, I know all of this! However I am truly aware that all of this kinda blunt my feeling of anxiety/depression.
I would like to know if anyone out there can relate to these symptoms and is aware of any medication that could help with this.
I have done a lot of research and I think it has to do with dopamine maybe. But I am afraid of dopaminergic medication since I am prone to anxiety sometimes bordering paranoia(while I was in a total state of depersonalization.) Please note that I never had any kind of psychotic experience like hallucations and desilussions.
Thank you for your time and sorry if this post was long, I had a lot of things to say about my experience and still does.
Best regards,
Maxime
poster:PoolGuy
thread:834936
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080606/msgs/834936.html