Posted by iforgotmypassword on July 13, 2008, at 19:46:20
this is hell. hell... but it's always hell, and the days keep going by as if i'm in paradise. sure isn't what it feels like. i only feel the urgency of feeling nothing, but nothing with the volume on max, signal to noise ratio digusting, loud garbage signal, both numbing and nerve frying. i'm just here, conscious, and it's awful.
akathitic paralysis. words won't arrange for me. lack of sentence structure rules helps to some degree, but barely. i can barf meaningless awkward automatic fast-forward crap, that's my only other mode, either high-jacking the disinhibition part of executive dysfunction, akathisia or both.
where on earth do i go? i don't even have a diagnosis relative to my actual disabling symptoms.
psychotic disorder NOS, theorized to include a cluster of negative symptoms was the last dx, and closest as it gets, yet implies nothing for treatment.
cognitive symptoms go way back. i was diagnosed with asperger's and adhd as a kid, saw multiple doctors, but the miseries continued and are still to this day unexplained.
i need the article linking transsexuality and RLS, to see if maybe my hormone treatment configuration is making my extrapyramidal (and perhaps my executive) problems worse. maybe i should look at that new dopamine agonist (the one in patch form) with what seems to be actual D1 affinity, but it's probably not at a significant level with my luck. or it's extremely presynaptic selective or something awful. or just won't work either way.
but i still have nothing really to direct me... i have no idea where to go.
poster:iforgotmypassword
thread:839602
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080706/msgs/839602.html