Posted by Quintal on August 24, 2008, at 17:47:50
I'm getting worse every day. Yesterday I was full blown psychotic. I talked to God for the first time. I wondered why he didn't drop by last time, but we seem to have cleared that up! The downfall began when I started Lyrica. It interfered with zopiclone and I couldn't get a good night's sleep. So we ended up switching to temazepam, which didn't work, and then zolpidem, which didn't work either and made me hallucinate. I told my social worker on Thursday that I want to back on zopiclone just to get my sleeping habits back on track. She didn't call back to say what was happening. This raises painful feelings from my past of being ignored and abandoned. Still, I'm getting worse to the point where I do need help, maybe even hospital if things were to get worse. I just can't cope and I'm ashamed of it. I can't be vulnerable around them. I alwyas need to have my sh*t together. So how do I make it clear that this is serious?
They know I've been hearing voices again for a while now, but they haven't been concerned. I just want some zopiclone. All I want is some REST. I'm afraid they'll think I'm being manipulative if I tell them things are getting worse. They'll think I'm just saying that so I can get more benzos. The truth is that it was the zopiclone that was keeping me stable. It was zopiclone that got me better in hospital. My pdoc is okay about zopiclone, but I'm worried he thinks I've gone through too many sleeping tablets in the last two months. I did take the temazepam back to him though, so he knows I'm not hoarding it.
I don't know what to say to my social worker. I'm starting college in a few weeks and I need to be on a stable track to face that. Right now I'm disintegrating. I seem to be trapped. What do I say?
Q
poster:Quintal
thread:848049
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080822/msgs/848049.html