Posted by Ron Hill on March 1, 2009, at 15:53:20
In reply to Gonna bug u all till ur exhausted w/ me ..., posted by Fivefires on February 28, 2009, at 19:57:56
5F,
I remember you Five Fires! And, I care about you!!
I'm so sorry that you are in a bad place. I was in that bad place for several years.
Fortunately, I'm much better now because I did a ton of research and I worked with a great pdoc that trusted my med trial suggestions. I'm not completely well, but I'm a long long way from that bad place.
5F, don't worry, your brain is not permanently damaged. Your brain chemistry is just messed up.
So you are currently taking Effexor-XR 75mg and nortriptyline 10mg, right?
What is your diagnosis according to your p-doc? If I remember correctly, when I talked to you a long time ago I came to the conclusion that you are bipolar.
Have you tried Lamictal?
I agree with PolarBear's post above. I think you need to be on one or more moodstabilizer(s).
I'd like to see how you would do on a combo of Trileptal, Lamictal, and Parnate. You'd need to start by adding moodstabilizers and ramping them up to full dosages. If you choose Lamictal, ramp up very slowly to avoid skin rashes.
-- Ron
dx: Bipolar II, with ultra rapid cycling (15 days for one complete cycle), and mild OCPD
300 mg/day Trileptal
200 mg/day Lamictal
250 mg/day Keppra
60 mg/day Nardil--------------------------
> There's not much of me left guys. I've been in the dark for over a year now. I look back and think 'what happened?' in the Fall of 2008.
>
> Even if I've had an incident of serotonin syndrome, this isn't supposed to cause permanent damage.
>
> I can't find my way back to me 'P E R I O D'
>
> Even family and friends and a sig-other avoid me.
>
> I'm bed, bath, kitchen ridden; only leave the house for drs appts.
>
> Do you remember me? I could be somewhat funny or have a good day, and then a bad streak, but I'd bounce back. I can't say anything good now. I'm beginning to be rude and angry and impatient and can be a nervous wreck if have no cigarettes, and I've no one here with me. Remember? Before I could say 'i'm emotionally ill w/ atypical depression or PTSD, and, use the word 'behavioral health' w/ confidence and w/o fear or embarrassment, but now, I must say a truth, this is nitty-gritty mental illness. I'm so damned scared.
>
> I still wouldn't hurt anyone or me. Im not delusional or psychotic. I've become boring and where I used to like mixin up a look all my own, now I'll wear the same clothes for days.
>
> No one but you all can help me.
>
> Don't sugar-coat; an answer would be a relief, good or bad.
>
> I wake ok till I realize my dreams, tho' persecuting, were preferable to whom I've become.
>
> Wake and get soda to wash down morn' meds. Have a cig and check calendar. Since I 'sorta blew a small whistle' county case mgrs super sent eight police cars to visit little ole me!??? I opened the door and said 'jeez ... why are all you guys here?'. I dunno what they said as they cruised into my home, then suggested I sit down. Think one may have had a BP cuff. My BP was fine. So, like this was an episode of _____, I said 'do you have a search warrant?' I'd always wanted to say this; first funny thing I've done in a long time. The squad saw they had no reason to be here and left. I didn't care to listen to their words; this was insulting and scared me, not worth listening to. And, I live in a small (maybe 10max homes; 2-story condos, so my nayburrs ha must think worse of me.
>
> Now Ive had the subject of 'maybe I need to get a POA' brought up. Do any of you have one? Who do you choose? I don't wanna give myself away unless its to someone like me. Suggestions???
>
> I must pay bills, attend all drs. appts. Ya know, gotta' keep up the NADLs until I can be sure someone has my back if these hillbillies threaten me again. I know, big talk. My caregivers instantly became people to fear.
>
> Here's me: If I don't take (I'm not sure which one it is for sure, as take them at around the same time each day.) a Xanax, or an oxycodone, when this (This= high agitation, gonna' jump outta skin, lock door, sit in a corner, yes rock sometimes, just tryin to stay in one place and light a cig ... but can't sit still, jump up, can't stay still. WTF? What's this??? What's happened??? Pdoc won't go back to Valium, and won't put klonopin beneath regular xanax, refuses to prescribe two diff' benzos.
>
> Can't let anyone see me this way, esp. after the commitment posse looms in my mind.
>
> Another new trait is IMPATIENCE. AND too now I am aware of the strife of OCD. I need a new bottle of liquid paper correction fluid every month! And then there's this 'zoning out' a person when they're speaking to me. It's truly not deliberate. Where am I? If I don't write it down, I won't remember it.
>
> Remember me? I used to be able to have an uplifting discussion, and down ones too, but NOT LIKE THIS! NOT BEEN AWAY FROM YOU ALL FOR MONTHS LIKE THIS EVER.
>
> Something is wrong; really wrong. My pdoc says he can't figure me out.
>
> Reading about SERO SYND, I see migraine meds combined w/ SSRIs bad. I've been on Frova in the past five years or longer, just on and off; could have been alongside one of the SSRIs; don't recall.
>
> Could have I suffered some serotonin syndrome, seizure, stroke, nms (can you survive this?), or what else? I mean, I'm a real STRONG PERSONALITY AND A STRONG PHYSICAL PERSON despite my body size.
>
> Could I have some permanent damage? My benzo dosage is 6mg reg Xanax and 3mg XR Xanax. Docs, fam, want me off!(???O__O???). Ive a great fear a a repeat episode of a 'withholding of medication induced psychosis' which occurred after
> a 'big long ugly cry, a following peaceful stillness, but then onset of whole bod' tremor & non-stop hyperventilation & physical disablement of moving w/o support, as if i'd aged 30yrs in a couple days' which landed me inpatient in 2005. Ive spoken of it here before.
>
> (Hey all. I've edited to this point, but what follows is rough draft and hope not a lot of typos and makes sense. You see, I have to get up. I CAN'T STAND, CAN'T STAND, REALLY CAN'T STAND TO SIT HERE ANY LONGER..... I apologize. I'm so sorry. No worry. I feel too out of control to take my life and I pray someone will lead me out of this darkness. There are those I love immensely in this life who I will not harm by example. Love (I don't usually say this, but feelin' like I need you so.) to alllll.....
>
> Hope following makes sense ...
>
> Ive never been psychotic; just this time my med was withheld cuz pdoc erred in chart and my psychotic experience was paranoia. Dunno how long lasted; kept telling self .. your imagining this over and over until I stood up and walked over to a woman tech and said I wasn't feeling well, and, her reaction showed me yes I was imaginging it and really lessened this 'period of psychosis' (Could have been a minute. Could have been an hour.) encouraging me to keep telling myself I was imagining it. Kept knocking on the nurse station glass partitions. Was told to go to room. Room was down an empty hall out of view of anyone. As I turned to go into the room, I saw the floor begin to go out from under my feet, grabbed a railing, screamed for help, BP (mine runs low) wasn't WNL. They had to help me back to a chair near the station. As I sat there looking at the floor, feeling the top of my head was going to blow off and erupt like geyser, the staff began to take me serious. Valium gave me relief, big relief. What was happening? So there's this.
>
> But in the Fall of 2008 was when I went to bed and kept on going back to bed, as I do still. I never smile anymore guys. Where'd I go?
>
> All I can recall at that time was a trial of Nardil here, by myself, and I didn't pay much attn to the dietary restrictions as those restrictions didn't make me ill. Nothing bad happened when I drank soda or had chocolate. Or did it? Did it, and I didn't know it?
>
> After this, been on Effexor-XR, my old stand-by. (Cannot take SSRIs for they cause me to get into back holes.) My hope was a non-monotherapy (what's that called again?) w/ it might help me.
>
> After 9-10 mos of just Effexor-XR 75mg, pdoc just yesterday approved addding nortriptyline 10mg.
>
> I got up to 450mg which induced a manic episode (my first and hope last!) I got a lot done but someone else had to tell me who did it the next day. Pdoc just said taper down, but didn't want me off. Still refusing to add anything to augment.
>
> BTW, in the midst of this time period of approx 12-13yrs, I made my way inpatient once.
>
> What a waste of $.
>
> Pdoc zoned in on my anxiety. My hope was for a re-evaluation of my depression and its treatment.
>
> The med I feared losing the most, becuz feared repeat incident of 'withholding medication induced psychosis', was taken.
>
> The pdoc there cold-turkey'd all Xanax (2mg qid & Xanax-XR 1mg tid) for 1mg klonopin. I went there with the hope of receiving an evaluation of my anti-depressant. Signed out AMA b4 things got worse.
>
> Here and back to bed, pill ... need something.
>
> Thinking of all and hoping you're well. If you're doing better, then maybe you can help me? (Emotionally/Socially Selfish Empty, Lost)
>
> I'm sorry; of course I don't want you better for me; I want for you.....
>
> 456 5f
>
> Boy I hope this was the proper board.
poster:Ron Hill
thread:883132
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090223/msgs/883249.html