Posted by manic666 on April 15, 2009, at 5:30:08
all my life i have gone thought various fazes of mental illness but not 1 english doc as bothered to name or find the sandrayious fawlt that run,s though my brain,as a kid i was bullied ok , left a scar , my old man , i would be bigging him up if i said he was usless,no love no answers.lost in his own anxierty, started young maby 10 to feel uncomfortable in places , you no panick, bit of shoplifting to get a rush, then i dont no what you call it were you have to put things back in the exact place you found them ,straightning tins in the supermarket ,then not being able to travel on public transport, even the work vans on constrution i couldnt travel in a crowd.later i was a front man in a few bands that rush was ok , sh*t myself before a gig an on the way to it, alcohol helped , but missed out on a lot of thing s, like buddies stag parties an plane travel because of a phobia,i reckon it must be,then the anxierty started to really kick in would get phobias from any thing even reading a paper , this started then to hit me with depression , so bad i took my first fateful trip to the gp an the blue cobra ativan entered my life, no explanation ?just get these down you my boy,i was scared of them at first but soon became my buddy traveling every were with me like a third arm or something,then a lady doc said brian you no you have deression dont you ,look at you you carnt speak or relate to anything ,you weight is tragic ly low, you need antidepressants , i said bollocks im not crazy ,an left the surgery, i was soon back an embarking on a terrible ride of unapropreate meds,they had a way then in ingland if you looked bad give him the biggest dose , no biuld up just bang it in him.for years iwas a total mutant.i would float back to the gp an they would say brian bang this one in lets give it a try .wwhat you give it a f****** try , im not on this planet at the moment,i remeber one an ruth said brian why are you sleeping in the garden on a camp bed with no cloths. i said because im red hot , she said its 6 below get in the house, then by chance luck prozac appeared an after 12 weeks it worked ,yes 12 weeks i even came off ativan , that lasted 2 years an a became a right hippo , i didnt care beer burgers the lot get them down you, i was happy for the first time in years,then they pooped tried to up the dose ,made it worse.crash time again went down 3 jean sizes in weeks, back to the gp an the fateful day he said shrink time,all they did was try more meds still havent got a clue whats wrong with me.then the canceled appointments, no shrinks at work only locoms who cut an chased the money,no appointment for weeks no meds only , lorazepam an plenty of them now the brandy ,flatline time convultion time overdose time ,hospital time third world shrinks mader than me , not a clue about meds, only just like my gp try this , without looking on your records,im still going though the same process only worse , i even tell them what drug to try on me,so if you have an clue whats wrong with me give it you best shot an we may get to the bottom of it one day,sorry about the long letter i have a window from zoloft at the moment but it wont last long , an then i will melt away into the cosmos, any questions feel free to probe into my murky past
poster:manic666
thread:890832
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090408/msgs/890832.html