Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on June 21, 2009, at 19:21:07
But I'm already experiencing quickness to cry, am isolating somewhat, feeling a little less resilient. Yet, every time I go off of meds for a little while, I can see that the meds have dulled me, allowed me to stay in situations that have not been right for me or good for me. They've made me a touch indifferent.
I've also noticed that, at least on Prozac, I had more anxiety. It almost seemed to exacerbate some symptoms of OCD. And I sometimes had thoughts that were a touch on the irrational side. I don't seem to be experiencing those things without the Prozac.
I'm on Ativan and a bit of Trazodone. It's the antidepressants I'm afraid to go back on. The only SSRI or SNRI I have left to try is Luvox, which I will have a prescription for, on Tuesday, or Cymbalta, which I don't even want to bother trying.
I don't know...could I be weepy because my taper off Prozac lasted all of one week? Isn't it possible to survive without ADs? Can't I just take some 5-HTP and not bother will all this?
I hate my life on ADs. I just hate it. I'm not myself as much, I'm exhausted all the time, and I'm not making smart decisions. I love how being in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) has helped me actually control some emotions, like panic attacks and rage--all drug free. If I go back on meds, what will I have to work on in DBT? When will I ever heal myself if I am always on meds?
And I think to myself--can't I do learn to deal with my depression the way I have with rage and anxiety? But I feel myself slipping, just some subtle signs, subtle things like wanting my spouse to deal with the carpenter, not feeling up to that, not feeling up to going to the gym...I try to fight against the tide of...apathy?...but it's not quite working...if I could just get to the gym and exericse an hour a day, how much better would I feel, and without ADs?
I know of almost nobody who gets off the AD merry-go-round. Why is that?
poster:Amelia_in_StPaul
thread:902496
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090620/msgs/902496.html