Posted by violette on June 21, 2010, at 2:41:37
In reply to Re: anyone here had neuropsychological testing done? » violette, posted by g_g_g_unit on June 20, 2010, at 6:07:35
Hi Triple G,
Being a 'hyperchondriac' is just a manifestation of anxiety. I get that too sometimes. Try not to be hard on yourself about it. It's good to get a pseudo medical education anyway. Also, if you have kids someday, it'll pay off.
Well the flat effect is difficult to pick up online, but there are some glimpses. Does your PDoc do therapy, and how long have you been seeing him? Or do you just talk to him for a half our or so once a month? For someone with your traits, that pushing behavior is really contradictory. From what I can tell from what you said, you do sound like you have some avoidant or schitzoid traits. Most of us with dissocation/depersonalization issues have some form of emotional dysregulation and cogntive problems that respond best to psychotherapy.
"my mom said that it might be good to have someone who pushes me, because otherwise they'll just spend their time reassuring me."
Even though your Mom has good intentions, that is an AWFUL approach for someone with your particular psychologic construct. And not being able to tell your doctor about the depersonalization? That is a major sign that you do NOT feel safe with him-but I can surely understand why it would be difficult to tell him-his approach does not fit you. When my T/PDoc 'pushes me', it is so subtle I don't even realize it. It's funny we just talked about this last week-he said he's been (gently) pushing me to talk about more, and I was suprised because I realized I had not even been aware of it. We laugh alot and talk about non-therapy stuff too. he's very friendly and open, and gives lots of reassurance-which helps me feel safe.
Can I call your Mom and tell her you need reassurance? (Are you still in college?) I will say: "Mrs. Unit, this is Doctor Violette from Ivy Root University. I am Triple G's academic advisor. The reason for my call is to inform you that GGG REQUIRES REASSURANCE instead of PUSHING from Mr. Nice-PDoc-But-Wrong-Approach!".
An appropriate attachment-based therapist would give you reassurance until you are able to open up and talk about stuff. The 'need' for reassurance slowly dissolves...But there is need to worry about 'wanting it'. That is perfectly fine to want reassurance. With the right type of therapy, your pattern of 'shutting down' will occur less and less. It does take time though.
There are Ts who are so gentle and welcoming and accepting that they will just wait and wait until you are ready to talk. Would a T or PDoc who talked about her/himself a lot during sessions at first, or even for a few months, help you deal? Or maybe a female would work better? Does your GP who can help you find someone know of your depersonalization issues?
It's not disrespectful to not go back to therapists, but it feels that way doesn't it? Try not to worry about upsetting a Ts feelings (easier said than done). Ts are used to this and GGG needs to get well-not the therapist! The therapist is just fine and realize patients are shopping around.
If your pdoc is not doing therapy, you can stay with him for meds and go with a psychologist/LCSW or other PDoc who does therapy. Or-you could find a new PDoc who does both therapy and meds. Either way, someone psychodynamic and attachment oriented, who is more understanding of your fear and difficulties would be most able to help you. My T is so patient-he gives me as much reassurance as I need and is so understanding and accepting. During the first couple of months when I began seeing him, I could actually feel this bubble of safety forming around the perimeter of his office. That sounds strange, but I do feel and sort of 'see' emotions sometimes. (My sensory system is overactive.) And I sensed the safety-almost as much as I'd notice a thick fog around us.
Yes, my memory is shot now too. Similar to you, I could memorize a textbook a decade ago. I think that depersonalization, dissociation, and or anxiety can mess your brain up after a while. It takes a lot of energy to use those psychological defenses. When stress levels are higher-it gets worse, like when you started having more problems with college and your anxiety increased.
The good thing is that better cognitive functioning can come back with the appropriate treatment. But you need cared for and nurtured by someone who understands how you relate to them.
I'm sorry it is so hard for you to talk to them. You are such a sweetie, yeah I know I already said that...it's just sad to see you suffer.
Well I hope I'm not being too pushy here myself...feel free to let me know if I am. :)
poster:violette
thread:951460
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100615/msgs/951703.html