Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on June 30, 2010, at 22:44:26
hey babble,
oh ... this is a bad time during life. I see my family succeeding and im just existing with no contact, because im avoiding conflict. This is what's been bothing me, I went to rehab and this doctor is the most strictest doctor I've ever seen, yet she's excellant at knowing all about medication, she basis her logo on anti-addiction so I can't even take Provigel for ADD. I was taking Nuvigel and she won't allow it because it references to the stimulants [amphetamines] which I took it and I NEVER abused it because there is no high, but at least it gave some antidepressant properties. It's not an amphetamine, which can give a high and you know all those years I f*ck*ng wasted trusting that amphetamine would get me through stress, ugh! im so mad I wasted all of it. All I had I wasted over amphetamines, if I knew that high was going to waste everything because it changes the way you think into some delusion, your a diffrent person when you on high doses of it. It got me going in the mornings, im just like elvis I would take Xanax on top of it to make it smoothe, like the old stimulant/barbituate combinations they used to have.
Ugh, goodness the dispair i've put myself through, there are days I just want to be dead.
What do I do after this devesation I live through everyday? I want to see my family but I can't even hold on a conversation with out having dexedrine. I know that there will be brighter day's but people have to know when im off amphetamines im much quieter, and less focused on life.
Is there any medication I could ask the doctor about. Not wellbutrin I've been on it, the max dose of 450mg is equal to about 5mg of amphetamine which does not cut it, plus all this anxiety comes on wellbutrin for some reason.
Anything....and what about my friends, I can't hold conversation very well. This is like learning how to function with the vary thing that was there....now is not.
help
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:952754
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100628/msgs/952754.html