Posted by violette on July 1, 2010, at 12:10:17
In reply to Re: ...hope, beliefs, views (I'M DONE) » violette, posted by PartlyCloudy on June 30, 2010, at 11:24:59
Thanks Jade, Partly Cloudy, SLS for your kindess.
I think my behavior has been unacceptable to me. But the insight was a huge relief. After truly experiencing then conveying that feeling, for the first time in over a year, I was able to work at my computer for several hours without checking any mental health websites....
The OCD urge just disappeared. Then I got more insights after thinking about the long post I wrote on this thread--psychotherapy, which allows intense emotions to surface, is integrating the split off emotions that were buried as a child through defense mechanisms--integrating the emotions with my thoughts, which affects my actions.
I realized that the inight here occured when my left brain thinking (I knew why, from the thought/rational side, why I was doing this) was joined by my right brain-emotion I felt when coming back here and saying I can't believe I said that.... I FELT the motivations rather than only the thought of it.
So, in writing that post, I realized this is why psychotherapy is so effective for me--and, how insights arise--when the left brain joins with the right brain, the true insight occurs-the insight which allows for the underlying urges/impulses/behavior to stop or change. The repeated emotional feeling promoted in psychodynamic therapy is what's causing the real change; it's integrating my mind and self.
There are too many triggers for me here as far as the medication board and administration board, which was influencing me. So I'll be alright just sticking with psychology, instead of writing here or on admin. The motivations went away. I'm really delighted and relieved. Except I'm excusing myself for this post so that others may understand the background and why I felt so strongly about this.
One trigger has been when people don't believe that emotions affect mental health. This is personal to me since my mother has caused me great harm in not recognizing she has emotional problems. This has nothing to do with anyone here, it's my issue; but unfortunately, I was concerned that acting out on my issue was affecting people here because I know I have been trying to (sometimes covertly) coerce others to look at emotions--even when they didn't express their interest in doing so.
Since I see how when I had dissociated in the past, or had semi-psychosis-an emotion always caused the brain change rather than the other way around. I guess you have to experience it for yourself to understand. Sometimes after feeling certain painful emotions, my brain is flooded with what feels like opiates, endorphins, or whatever chemical....so the chemical change in my brain is always AFTER the emotion....not before..so it is difficult for me to always read personal views that an emotional reaction such as depression for example-could ONLY come after the chemical/neuro changes rather than the possibility that it might come before. I couldn't possibly know if that's true or not, but that has been a trigger for me to write certain things. Again, this is my issue so I realized I was getting excessive about wanting others to look more at emotions. And I don't want my behavior to affect others in an adverse way.
This has been very positive for me. There is more to the OCD stuff than just that one trigger, but it mostly comes from there. However, the OCD urges to write comments on Medication and Administration have stopped..but I did have to let you know where I was coming from. Yes, there are just too many triggers in those areas for me, and I don't want other people to be affected by my 'issues'...Thanks for understanding!
Violette
poster:violette
thread:952373
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100628/msgs/952811.html