Posted by Maxime on August 28, 2010, at 19:45:50
In reply to Re: released » Maxime, posted by violette on August 28, 2010, at 18:48:15
I have been diagnosed as having Borderline traits. I did a year long DBT course and it did help. I went a year and half without cutting until tonight. I've been looking through my DBT binder to see what skills I might use right now. But my mind is all over the place and I can't concentrate and I keep breaking down into tears. I have cried so much these past few days. I think I need to be in the hospital, but I want to wait to see what Monday brings - meeting with Crisis Centre - Calling the store manager to find out why I was fired. - Going to my pdoc to get a script for Dexedrine and to talk. I always feel better after I talk to him. I am EXTREMELY worried about what the store manager will tell me. I keep thinking about it and thinking about it and I really don't know what I could have done to be fired. I have never been fired from a job, let alone after 1 week!!! LOSER. WORTHLESS. BURDEN. PARASITE OF SOCIETY.
I called the Crisis Centre tonight and I felt momentarily better, but an hour later I was in distress and crying. I want it all the stop now. Just stop. I know I not thinking straight but I don't know how to correct it.
I don't think I was meant to be in this world. I was a mistake. I take up too much space. I really don't think I would be missed if I was gone. I think my family is tired of me going through these spells. They don't give me ANY support. When I was in the hospital last time they never came to visit me ONCE. I think they are ashamed of me. People have always expected great things from me and I haven't delivered. I feel like the biggest failure in the world. I hate myself. I loathe myself. I never thought that my life would get this bad. Never.
poster:Maxime
thread:958963
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100821/msgs/960364.html