Posted by floatingbridge on November 19, 2010, at 16:39:21
In reply to Re: Hey Morgan...., posted by morgan miller on November 19, 2010, at 14:08:18
> I think I am experiencing some somatic symptoms, but some of what I am experiencing goes beyond anything that could be somatic. Some of it is related to all the physical trauma I subjected my body to. Some of it, I have to believe is the result of some type of dysfunction, which could be a result of long term chronic anxiety, stress, and depression, but what I would not consider to be
directly somatic. I've been horribly depressed for 3 months at a time, and my body felt great, so I have a hard time believing that everything I'm experiencing is a direct result of current depression and anxiety. I do realize symptoms of pain and stiffness can get worse as chronic depression and anxiety
continues on.Depending on your insurance allowances, some blood tests sound very reasonable. If that's your intuition. A primary care type can order them, but you know that. I went to a few doctors for tests. What work to do when depressed and not feeling well. I tried to balance between every test and turning over every rock, to being a somewhat informed personal advocate. I empathize that the process can be daunting and overwhelming even for those not depressed.
>
> >You may not have brain damage from meds. Some people here do, but not everyone.
>
> I actually think that most of us have some form or some amount of brain damage,Yes, I'm afraid you're right about that. That is distressing. I try to focus on what I can do to heal, and be who I am now. (Which is what you seem to do.) I said 'try'. That's not always what I do. And it is really easy for me to creep myself out and get paranoid. I figure, even if I have a crummy MI I don't need to scare myself. But you've been told worse than I have--so point blank. That's tough to hear, Morgan.
> I remember when I went to the local private psychiatric hospital forthe first time the doctors told me that the severity and duration of my mixed
>
> I regret trying some medications and trying soooo many. If I had the right guidance and the right doctor, I probably could have saved myself from some unnecessary medication trials.
>Regret. Yeah. I wish you had what you needed earlier, too. Regret can really sap energy, and I hope you know I don't say that lightly as a supermarket tabloid headlining top ten stress-busters.
> I really have no problem with taking medication as long as I function properly and feel well. And, as long as I absolutely need medication and there is no other option out there. I'm bipolar, so I figure, at least in the world I was brought into, medication is a necessity. I miss the days of just taking Zoloft, feeling great, sleeping great, and functioning great. Were things perfect? No. Was I a bit on the manic side half the time? Yes. But I felt good and function well, that's all that matters to me. Through maturation and therapy, I could have taken care of the manic thing. I'm sure many would disagree with this. I stopped Zoloft back in June of 2007 thinking everything was great and I didn't need medication anymore. The transition went pretty good. I went through a few days of withdrawal, about 4 or 5 days after cessation. Then I had to adjust a bit to being out in social situations, like going to happy hours. 5
months later, the perfect storm of events and circumstances, including being off Zoloft, sent me into a major mixed episode. Life just has not been the same since.
>I've always been an introvert. Still, even I liked to go out and listen to music, stay
out late, drive to the city, make plans... It's really a loss right now.> >I'm curious what your current regime is right now. Do you have a presiding doc that you see?
That makes everything so much more difficult :(
>
> Currently:
> Lithium 600 mg
> Depakote 500 mg
> St. John's Wort-Serofin-585 mg
>Wow. That's so simple. I like it. Yet you're looking at ssri's? Snri's? How careful do you need to be about cycling? What looks interesting? Personally, prozac didn't seem to work. I couldn't feel it worsen or better anything. I suppose it was doing something, hopefully nothing insidious.
>
> I usually do not feel well enough to prioritize things the way I should right now. I need more financial and moral
support and I'm just not getting it.
Everyone in my family has grown tired of dealing with me. First it was my bipolar acting up, now it's all the physical/physiological issues(some that I had
when I experienced the major episode 3
years ago, which was one of the
stressors that pushed me over the edge).
My father has been very generous, but now he just watches me suffer and doesn't seem to want to get involved. It's complicated. I need to have a conversation with him. I don't think he realized that I feel as old as he does
Lwhen I get out of bed in the morning. I
know he doesn't know that my hands
and feet are extremely stiff and ache upon waking.
>
Oh. I'm sorry you have that morning
pain. (Hug.) A conversation sounds good. Depression. (MI) burns out the family, doesn't it? With
love, which it sounds like, people come
back and the family reknits--don't you think? My brother is BPI, and it was very
rocky before he sought treatment and
bottomed out. Very dramatic, though
not his intention. He was deeply
mortified. I really felt for him. And at the same time, our family's collective
adrenaline skyrocketed. He is highly sensitive yet robust. He works out like a maniac--I've seen him at Gold's Gym. I
think that's his glue. I used to run and
do Iyngaer (sp) yoga. Good glue, but I
have a back injury. I could walk more....You know, come to think of it, he does very well on Wellbutrin. Not too
stimulating for him, but boosts him out of depressive brooding (runs in our family). Have you tried it?> I'm really not able to enjoy much. I
can't even feel music right now. I would
say that I enjoy life about 25 percent of what I enjoyed it a little over 3 years ago.
>You'er a guitarist? Recently I have begun
to listen to music again. It's been a long
time. My husband is a musician.> I would never kill myself
I'm glad to here it. You do sound like too much of an optimist despite your current
state :)I don't think I would either, though given the duration of this depression (10+ years?) I see how it has eroded my husband's life and affects my son, and I wonder how they'd be w/o me. Today is
not one of those days :)> I come from an urban/suburban area where it is common to go out and socialize, go to concerts, go to nightclubs and dance, have parties and go to parties-this is living to me. Hope I don't
offend anyone that lives a more simple
life in the countryside. I actually am friends with a babbler that lives in a
more remote country location. I don't think there is anything wrong with a simple more secluded life, it's just not for me and never will be. I live a
secluded life right now. I never really get out at all, I just don't feel well enough to
be able to enjoy it. I actually look forward to going to work(I work 3 to 4
days a week at an organic market), even on the days week I feel bad(most days it
seems lately), as being at work is really my only social outlet right now. Ugh, seriously, F U C K life!Who's offended? There are city mice and country mice. You stated where your
from, what you like, and what you miss. For you, that social and cultural stimulation seems keenly missed. And as far as being unhappy, even angry with life, sometimes a person just needs to shout out. Somehow I didn't take you to mean all life in general. I think of you as quite a positive person. You have a right to your anger.Morgan, thanks for telling me some of your story. I really do experience you at PB and upbeat (well I did admit to not keeping up on threads) and kind--so willing to consider posters' feeling and pov. It good to get to know you better.
((Hugs if I may))
fb
Oh, today is a good day despite an earlier trigger at home. The cymbalta might actually work(!!!!!)! Pain is down, energy up, mood brighter. I suspect it could be too stimulating somehow for some. GI issues seem to have subsided. I don't know how it might fit in to BP treatment. Maxime here used it. I don't think it caused cycling for her....
C-PTSD currently set to twitch. MDD and comorbid health issues. Chronic fatigue and pain.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:970762
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101117/msgs/970786.html