Posted by zonked on June 7, 2011, at 23:57:39
Hi:
It doesn't look like my blip the other day was a fluke. The feeling Nardil gives me is absolutely distinct (this _feels_ like the last time; jedi and other Nardil vets I think will know what I mean), and it is beginning to be a little more consistent.
By no means I am cured I still am waking up more often than not with a sense of dread. I am still fighting depression. But if the gains I've had in the last week continue, I expect a complete recovery including a return to my previous vocation.
A little bit of my confidence has come back. There is music playing in the background - THAT is a really good sign! I'm enjoying it again at least SOME of the time.
No mistake about it, this is response, not remission. But I'll get there. Let's compare my depression to being stuck in a labyrinth underneath the earth. It's as if, until the Nardil, I have been wandering around, getting stuck, bumping my head into walls; and the dose of Nardil I am on now has led me to the escape staircase and allowed me to take three steps up towards the exit.
That's not a lot but MAN is that significant! With the right dose adjustments and the positively reinforcing behavior I hope will continue, I can make it out of the labyrinth again, hopefully never to return.
What needs to be done?
Meds: Increase dose until 1mg/kg is attained and
medication benefits are at maximum and consistent. This response *must* be turned into a sustained remission.(Strangely enough, 1mg/kg for me = 90.something milligrams, which is what worked for me my first time on this drug! Now *that* DEFINATELY *was* remission.)
I am doing my own form of exposure therapy (I guess)--some things I had been putting off for months I am beginning to do. Not without anxiety, but at least I am beginning to feel able to do more. Certainly more than a month ago. I even made dinner for myself and someone else tonight.Why did I ever go off Nardil again? Oh yeah, the weight gain. Well, if it makes me fat again, I really don't care so long as it keeps my depression at bay...if that is the choice I have to make, I would rather be fat. Really. Better fat than dead!
I am probably about 15% back to normal now.
-z
poster:zonked
thread:987430
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110529/msgs/987430.html