Posted by mantus on August 1, 2011, at 21:43:17
In reply to Re: Went off nardil 1 week ago. HR/BP problems persist » mantus, posted by floatingbridge on July 28, 2011, at 23:08:26
Well, I know before I even write this that no one will agree with my decision, but I have come to a point in my life so tired and angry from what can only be described as a very bad place as a result of listening to doctors, that I have decided to take my life back. As described before i have developed a very strange hr issue as a side effect from Nardil. I'm not mad at my doctor for suggesting I try it because after doing a good deal of research it did seem to be a very good option after endless trials on ssri's that did no good. What I am absolutely livid about is that my doctor(s) completely ignored me each time I said, "I know there is something wrong with this one particular side effect, it is bad and it is not getting any better." After months of being on it and saying over and over again that something was wrong, they finally agreed and said I should drop it. Now, I'm still left with this issue, which I am still very concerned about and just hope to find some sort of answer soon. (Not trying to scare anyone from Nardil, just my own reaction to it)
Now, on to my next decision. I was put on Ativan about a year and a half ago as a direct result of being put on Geodon for absolutely no reason. I have had serious issues with anxiety and depression over the past 5 years, but that is it. I work at a psychiatric hospital (well, not currently because I am on leave to figure out this hr issue), and have a fairly decent background in psychiatric diagnoses. I have truly never displayed any symptoms of Bipolar Disorder or anything remotely mentioned in the DSM IV that would lead to thinking Geodon would be beneficial. Especially considering at the time I hadn't tried anything except a never ending cycle of ssri's and still to this day haven't tried a TCA. Anyway, within days of taking it solely out of trusting my doctor and deep down knowing it wasn't right for me it sent me into a unrelenting level of anxiety that would be the one time I would have truly considered myself suicidal. At that time it was vitally necessary to get some sort of relief just to able to make the next day. So, I was given Ativan. Unfortunately, I did not even remotely respond to it until I was on 2mg tid. So, through the support of my awsome family and just plain time, I finally had some relief from anxiety, however, I was now "stuck" on Ativan. I continued to take it as advised as my doctor even though I honestly feel like it does nothing for me, except if I miss a dose for too long I feel like I'm already starting to withdraw. So, it kind of just hit me, why am I doing this? It is not benefitting me in any way, and the longer I stay on it (now at 1.5mg tid) the harder it would be to go off. Again, being on a medication that is only hurting me as a result of listening to doctors.
Ok, I promise this is the point. I am home now, with a random hr issue, and addicted to a medicine that doesn't help at all because I stopped ultimately listening to my own body and making decisions for myself. I am now making my own decisions, even though it may be difficult. I have decided to go off of Ativan as quickly as possible. I know no one would support this decision, but to me it is now or possibly never. I have 3 months of FMLA leave and basically I don't see when else I'll be able to do this because ultimately I plan to be working and dealing with more of other life issues, when trying to get off of this medicine that is not doing anything positive and possibly only hurting me.
My question to everyone is how to help manage the withdrawal symptoms because I know it is going to be bad. Are there any things you could suggest to make it easier? I am not going to go completely cold turkey, but pretty darn close. Today I took 1/2mg this morning, fought horrible withdrawals all day after about 2pm and just took 1mg to hopefully help with sleep. My intentions are to continue pushing downward as quickly as possible and only taking something small if it gets too rough. Tomorrow my plan is to take .5mg in the morning, .25mg in the afternoon, and .75mg at night because today was pretty rough without any midday dose. I might try this for a few days to see if it becomes more easy with time before reducing the dose again, my intentions are to take .25mgs away each day as deemed best until I am completely off and then deal with hell, until hopefully my body adjusts. The one thing I absoluetely don't understand and am very grateful at this point is that I am not currently feeling the abnormal anxiety/depression symptoms nearly to the same degree I have in the past, which makes me more willing to fight when my whole body is hurting. I know this is a very long post, it is just that as I really look back on the past couple years of my life, I have found myself in this very bad place because I listened to doctors and not myself.
I know of the seizure possibilities with fast benzo withdrawal, and I guess that is just a small chance I am taking. Any knowledge of long term issues from discontinuing to quickly? I will always read suggestions because I think so highly of people on this board, but without some drastic change this is a course I'm pretty much set on. I'd really appreciate any support or ideas on if there is anything out there to help during this time.
poster:mantus
thread:991911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110728/msgs/992528.html