Posted by floatingbridge on August 17, 2011, at 8:55:36
In reply to silencing the voices in my head, posted by Christ_empowered on August 17, 2011, at 0:22:10
> you know, its strange. All this stuff that I went through didn't bother me as much while I went through it. I think I was so burned out and dulled out--which I think may have been a survival mechanism, because if I'd been more aware and alert, I probably would have offed myself--that it didn't phase me.
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> Now, it does. I should've asked my shrink for an antidepressant or something, but I'm not in full-on crisis mode. I do seem crazy, though; I pace around the house. I
even grabbed my head out of frustration with the voices. And its not like I think the FBI is out to get me or anything--these voices are directly related to my life experiences.CE, I tend to look through a PTSD lens. One may look crazy, jumping out of a car, running down the street, hiding or cowering. I've banged my own head so hard that I
scared myself. I have also become increasingly agitatedly depressed in the past, ruminating upon things that had happened that were harmful or violating. I looked 'crazy'. Truthfully, I was not well, but I was not psychotic either because the thoughts were about real life events, some ugly exchanges with people. And I could not let them go. I wfelt like a haunted house full of ghosts. I isolated myself unable to read, watchna film, or listen to music, because anything touched upon the pain of being hurt, humilated, invalidated, reduced, nearly obliterated. I began to believe I was like the dead. (but not really dead, though it began to seem like a viable option.) Maybe this brings me close to psychois. I don't know.You actually experience the thought process as voices that are audible? Yet you say in your head. So you know the difference. And this is maddening but different? And reality based, yes? CE, the bit you have shared on the board has led me to think to myself that you have taken some pretty unfair hits. Trauma as a word tends to be overused, but it basically means 'open wound'.
These things, these hurst and unjustices are best treated, the model goes with medication plus therapy. True, lexapro muted those voices for awhile to whispers, but they came back.
Coming clean with the doc would have been good, but how to do that. In some ways it might be easier to say the FBI is after me than I was hit on the head or socially humiliated and couldn't find a way to fight back. That would be revealing the vulnerability. So I understand.
Is there away to call back and reschedule to explain this. Many care providers, ESP public ones are aware their clients fit the criteria for a PTSD comorbidity. Maybe you can get that counseling session moved up, too. Or find some good crisis counseling.
An antipsychotic can't really be expected to stop what is really a sort of lucidity. It (risperidone) failed to stop PTSD symptoms in most combat vets.
If the amount of agitation you feel isn't being addressed, I suggest you check in with your doctor again and see what her suggestions are. She may be able to fast track your appointment or secure interim counseling.
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> In terms of meds, what are my options? I'm on 30 Abilify and 25 lamictal (working up to 200, assuming I don't get The Rash). Celexa worked OK @ 20mgs for a while, but I hate how SSRIs make me feel.
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> Do you think I should just wait out the Lamictal increase (and the decrease in Abilify to 15) and see how I feel?
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> I really should have talked to my doctor today. I just didn't know what to say, and my mood improved so much during our session. I also didn't want to make too many medication changes so soon. I mean, I'm no shrink, but couldn't Lamictal+an antidepressant=trouble, even on Abilify? Ugh. I just don't know. You'd think that an anti-*psychotic* would, you know...stop *psychosis*, wouldn't you?
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> Maybe pills aren't even the answer. I'll be seeing a counselor in about a month. We'll see.
I dig a pony.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:994025
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110809/msgs/994090.html