Posted by Solstice on January 14, 2012, at 10:49:02
In reply to Depression or Oppression?, posted by SLS on January 4, 2012, at 23:46:44
> Sometimes, the word "depression" doesn't seem adequate to describe the crushing psychic pain that MDD can produce. I find MDD to be more oppressive than depressive.
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> - ScottYeah.. oppressive is much more descriptive. The word 'depression' - for me at least - calls up feeling melancholy, blue, maybe even suppressed. But the kind of depression I have battled is better characterized by your phrase 'crushing psychic pain.' It was all consuming.. and literally life-stopping. It was so oppressive that it hurt to breathe. Being awake was unbearable. And it was unremitting. It didn't 'come and go.' For the duration of the worst part of it, at times it would subside slightly - just enough to allow me to eat something - or take a shower or whatever - but it was just so all-consuming and deeply painful. Physically painful. 'Depression' just doesn't really describe it - because that sounds like something is just pushed down. How I experienced it, was not a pushing down of who I was, but rather an obliteration of who I was. It's only been during the last year that I've felt my 'old self' coming back together, one piece at a time. There are some things pre-depression that I worry have been lost forever, though. I used to have a positive, propelling energy that escapes me now. I remember it, but I haven't been able to recover it. I've also developed a cynicism about life being pleasurable that I think is an obstacle to my recovery, but I don't know how to resolve it. And I think what I miss most of all, is 'faith.' Can't find that either.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:1006370
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120108/msgs/1007227.html