Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on January 17, 2012, at 19:51:09
In reply to Re: how do you tell a doctor about your illness » rjlockhart04-08, posted by phidippus on January 17, 2012, at 18:06:09
If she would even listen maybe that I will take them like she prescibes. But I know really I would take more than I should. I do that with everything. Anything that will benefit me and not cause negative symptoms I will proably will do it. You know its so depressing to even talk about this. I even right now feel doomed and I will always be this the rest of my life. I mean when I get out some of my emotions it feels good, because I feel relieved. But this is like traffic, it builds up because I have one way thinking. I need to change it and stop focusing on how sh*tty my life is. Iit's very hard too eric.
I mean I've already thought of plans of what I will do If I do even get prescibed stimulants. Get a combination lock safe. I will never figure out the code unlike having a key which can be opened if I access the correct key. I have already done this in the past. If I just had another chance but I don't even want to look forward to that because I know would eventually get the inciative to start using the incorrect way. I have made times where I would agree not to abuse me medication and it would last about 3-6months and then I would go back to the same pattern. I rerember when I took Vyvanse two 70mg daily and then went to Dexedrine Span. 60mg...it was at the correct dose I just HATED the rebound period. That's why I used alcohol and benzodiapines to make this "washed" out feeling smoothen out. I did this for years. I hate alcohol in the first place, the only reason Ii used because it had sedating effects to counteract the rebound period. While I live in my parents I can never take a stimulant.
And whats worse now I do have anxiety without stimulants. And I deal with a new range of problems that have started because I discontinued stimulants. Causing me to feel doomed and not being able to go back to school. Now all I can do is apply myself without performance enhanced medications. It's a choice, choose to stay sad, or choose to be happy. I've told everything that I can so I hope this makes some sense ;)
Matt
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:1007584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120108/msgs/1007618.html