Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on May 10, 2012, at 17:41:55
Sorry I didnt pick a right topic to name this, listen this is what I'm having right now, this feeling that I feel like im 10 years old in 25 year old body, and I have exessive thoughts of being abandoned, yet no one is abandoning me...but its in my mind that I just have got to let this out somehow. I usally never cry at all, most of my memories are frozen so they arnt radiating pain, my mind did that to block out these painful memories, yet really its not memories...its is too hard to describe. I had this once before in 2005 and I never posted about it, but what happened was I was working on project and I realized my coping abilities and I can't put it into words, but I went into my room locked the door and cried not like regular weeping, it was much worse in desperation that I always wanted to be with people and work with people. I never achieved this, and its starting to surface again, like it did 7 years ago. There's so much longing mixed with feeling failure, I feel mentally impaired at times and this causes me to feel sad, and then it rolls into these states of agonizing crying that I have do away from people, this is not your regular crying this is long and deep emotion.
I fainlly have came to conclusion about this thing that I have descibed as meds not absorbing, its called malabsorbation syndrome, its where the nutiens in the the food you eat and medication do not absorb into the blood stream...i just called my doctor's nurse pract. and told her everything about this. I going to have to get blood work done, and some how there going to have to look into the digestive system, hopefully it will a sonagram, not oral camera sticking down your through. My medication should be working, but I have extensivly realized that its not just a simple "not working" situations, there's something not right with the intestines...if I inhale a substance like nicotine, or the worst cannabis, it will take effect because it get in through the lungs. I've got to find some way to solve this....its vary depressing when my body created these complications that are causing me get even worse...like your car starts having problems with the oil not working right and it doesnt work, and you kick the car in anger but it doesnt do any good...
anyways, thank you for reading
rj
I am not a scholar but I do understand distress.
Medications:
Prozac 60mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Lamictal 50mg
Clonodine .1mg X 3
Nuvigil 250mg
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:1017657
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120508/msgs/1017657.html