Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 31, 2012, at 23:43:23
In reply to Re: depression mindset » rjlockhart04-08, posted by SLS on July 31, 2012, at 15:52:31
yea scott, I can be intelligent...but seriously i've done things that are on the end spectrum of stupidity. My engine tends to get pumped and then go other ways intead of the main goal. It's all the inner mental disipline to force through all the temptations that will end up in vain. What I did in 2004 I got angry with my brother, and said that day I would never talk to him again, and I would rise bigger than being ordered to do things. I started to see him again in 2006 of course all my thoughts that I was better and greater had left .... they where short lived and much of it was vain. Something happened in 2008...he bailed me out of the problems I had created and offered to start me a new life. On the road down about after 60 days I started getting the impression it was a hook and I would be the scapegoat....but If I had managed to do a good job....maybe I could of avoided that situation but my work deteriated even with the use of dextroamphetamine, constantly. I was faster in talking, thinking, and had quick comebacks but overall my work ethic sucked and I didnt know what to do...after time I got repremanded of the costly errors I made, I just said that I was not in the best intrest of the firm. After that I went down....stayed at this current state ... from febuary 2009 till now. When dextroamphetamine was stopped my whole thinking process started going back to my really bad unfocused energy. That's why I began methamphetamine use about a year ago, but im clean...about month or two...
Still I know I have the capacity to get out into the world and become effective in career and with people...its just there is something blocking that from happeneing. It's alot of stuff I don't feel like yakking about.---Why look towards darkness when there is so much light to protect you from getting lost in it?
-Sometimes alot of the light we see in the world looks glorious, the highest feeling of superiorty but the only thing is that it will fade...some of the lights we see that are ment to be inspiration don't relate to the original teachings of religion. I'm not speaking against it...its just religion has gone commerical in some aspects. You don't get that sacred feeling of being healed by Jesus Christ. Society changes its views over decades and centuraies, it can't be critized because its the natural process how things change over time. Still there are alot of dishonest people who place themsevles in the authority of God, or demonic powers in heavenly places.
______________________________________But still I havent lost all my idealism to make a better life than this right now, but i've got to get help because my system are defective at times, and if I don't put it into overdrive I usally fail. That's why I absolutely drive myself near psychsis because it takes alot more strain to do things than the normal person who has no strain at all from doing a task or...daily things in life.
thanks for the post..
rj
am not a scholar but I do understand distress.
Medications:
Prozac 60mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Lamictal 100mg
Clonodine .1mg X 3
Nuvigil 250mg
I encourage you avoid false lights of enlightment.
M
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:1022404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120718/msgs/1022533.html