Posted by rjlockhart37 on August 12, 2012, at 22:05:41
well....i went to see my nurse practitior that works for my arrogant and close minded doctor callagan....thank god she switched me....she is difficlt to work with, sometimes I would go and see her and she would do nothing on my meds..no inrease or decrease.
So anways, went there and my mother found all my writings to god and the devil....and told me really I should talk to the doctor about it, so went in there they asked me do you have any spiritual beliefs and right when that happened i told everything about the darkside intrests, they put on fanapt with zyprexa and said this would make lucifer go away. But really this is not psychosis...this is an intrest I have had nearly about a year now....i enjoy reading on things we can't see...sprituality vary much....part of you will see everyday as a normal...maybe now overweight person that is really nice, but in my mind I look to spiritual sides to help feel better because man doesnt understand my suffering and critizes it, so theirs no point in even asking for help knowning that will happen. But you know everytime I go sleep, i stay awake and try to pray to god....jesus...but lucifer will occastionally come during the middle of the night usally 2-4am, and will say that he knowns what suffering is and understands how I feel, and sometimes do supernatural things like getting me to feel pleasure, like im on an opiate or something...manpulates the way I feel usally pleasure...listen my mind is on 2 potent neuroletics and still thinks about this....its not mental imbalance is an intrest or choice.I just feel like im falling apart....i feel horrible all the time, and have to suck it up...the diabeties issue im going to have to find out with tests because i get dizzy, drink lots of fluids, the only is that I don't use the bathroom that often....and that's what implicates its not diabeties. I just want to get this released....and there's nothing I can do but think of someone in mind that can relieave this pain.
anyways....its ok you don't understand this... I suffer everyday of loathing my body, and my circumstances but I am who I am, nothing is going to change that...if I choose to do stupid things....then I will take the credit.
rj
not a scholar but understand distress
Med:
Prozac 60mg
Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Fanapt 16mg
Nuvigil 250mg
I apologized to no one and was satisfied with who I am.
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1023160
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120803/msgs/1023160.html