Re: primative thinking

> instead of thinking of how bad things are....find the solution and change them to positve things.

--- well where I am, and also who I am, its a choice to be pessimitic of all the stuff that ended up this way. I have to say my mother, now I hate to do this blame game but she controls alot of aspects of my life, but its codependecy and personally im the only one that is going to break free of this bondage. Still she treats me good, its just unhealthy, and I am embarrased to even mention it. I know I can make things better, it just is up to my willpower and belief in faith with God.

________________________________________
> these goddanmed things in my body put a resistance to everything, make me hate everything about my system...there's so much defective sh*t that doesnt work right, like a bad car...you just want to kick it and throw it away.

----its really frustrating to deal with all these complciation when my body should be working right and absorbing and letting the meds take effect. Like I said in other posts, I think Diabeties is another thing I need to get taken care of....bloodwork is going to have be done...because I get incredibly disoriented, and dizzi and have to sit down or ill pass out, during these periods that happen maybe once every 2 weeks. It's really frustrating, like I said my body is a car and the cars fluids are out of balance causing it to stall and flucate while its on....its really hard scott....im dealing with all these issues and have no idea where to start to get them taken care of....i resort to alot of smoking and eating food as a comfort. I just wished I knew exactly what is going on with my bodys chemistry....

__________________________________________
> but....obviosly the options that meds are going to work is not at this time, its all to the wonderful error of my body.

As you describe them, your biological illnesses are very real. MDD is very real. So are the manifestations of that illness. One such manifestation is the cascade of negative and destructive thoughts that one focuses on themselves; thoughts that do not reflect a balanced perspective. You might not be able to change your biology today, but you can begin to change the way you approach your very real challenges.

----- yea, there's alot of errors in my thinking and my body....i've got to redo it like a math exam that was failed, try to retake the test...and get better results...i just am vary prone to know that I will make the same errors I did in the past, again over. I just don't know what exactly is causing this....if I did I would already be all over the case looking for treatment options...still I can't give up this faith during these hard times....to get a balanced perspective I've got to know the source of these problems...its like someone who has stomach issues but the problem is from sinus draining in the stomach and the doctors think its a gastro problem and treat the wrong condition.
_________________________________________

> You know I guess I can save this hatred up and use it usefully for something...with enough anger it will make you do things usally your afraid of doing.

--- A I will regret when I get back to a stable set of mind...if I do things out of anger I will terribly regret them, its happened in the past...that horrible feeling of regret after you curse someone severly and tell them never to talk to you again, and then you wake up the next mourning...and have the biggest heaviness over you....im trying to learn how not to feel guilt over things that I choose to do, or how I treated people, because there was a source why I had anger. But still anger is good for me sometimes because it gets me out the panzi state of mind to sit there and be defenseless.

----- God is vary hard to understand in my terms, i've prayed to him repeated times and got nothing from my sacred prayers, the alters that I've built in my room so he would hear all the prayers I wrote down on papaer....and then they are not awnsered, or the awnser is maybe no...its left me devestated....but I know that he is God and what he chooses is the the will of devine arcetecture. I usally have to go to God to get a prayer or request....the diffrence between God and Lucifer is that L. will come to me during night hours wake me up and will tempt me into believing in him. It's crazy....no one understands this...but I search for God, jesus christ, but lucifer will tempt me into the dark side even thought he will make supernatural things happen, as a sign.
It does make me feel good to talk to God....it gives a release of distress but also when its not awnsered it leaves me sad. It actually feels good for both....because I believe there higher than human form and can make things happen before they happen.

not a scholar but understand distress
Med:
Prozac 60mg
Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Fanapt 16mg
Nuvigil 250mg
I apologized to no one and was satisfied with who I am.

Re: primative thinking

Thread

Post a new follow-up

Notify the administrators

Start a new thread