Posted by SLS on September 26, 2012, at 5:57:12
In reply to Re: I'm in trouble » ChicagoKat, posted by AlexCanada on September 26, 2012, at 3:51:10
I agree with the sentiments of others that there is something wrong with your marriage relationship. We, here, cannot really know the dynamics of your relationship and identify potential contributions of you and your husband towards your current crisis of feelings.
As for me, I can appreciate the frustration and exaspiration that a husband can experience when acting as a caretaker for his wife, especially when children need caretaking, too. However, something is very wrong when a husband agrees to help his wife to commit suicide, especially while she is in a depressive state. Fortunately, there are resources that one can use to work through those psychosocial issues that exist within the marriage, including the psyche of each individual. If your husband is willing to go for marriage counseling, I would urge you to take advantage of this opportunity. Eventually, this counseling might lead to some individual treatment.
One day, while taking reboxetine, I told my parents that I needed to get my affairs in order. I told them that I wanted to hide as much money as possible so that I could bequeath it to family members rather than have it consumed by the state to pay for my burial. They listened to every word I said and made no attempt to act on this infomation. They pretty much just said "Okay". WTF? It became obvious to me that they were burned-out. They had nothing left to deal with my illness as adults. So, I imagine they used denial as a mechanism against the truth that their son was to commit suicide. By that time, they might have been numb and areactive so as to prevent the bubble of denial to burst.
Of course, there is the possibility that, as adults, they truly thought that I would be better dead than alive. However, they didn't so much as ask me a single question nor attempt to suggest that I go for help as an immediate intervention. Oh, well. The thing is, I knew they cared. They tried. However, after 35 years of unremitting severe depression and academic and vocational failure they may have become desensitized.
ChicagoKat, you can't blame yourself and you can't blame your husband, regardless of the outcome of your marital crisis. There is cause and effect. Your husband might have been emotionally abused or neglected, or even bullied as a child. So, is he truly responsible for turning out to be the person he has become? However, the immediate issue is not about his past. It is about yours. It is about you and the history of your relationship with your husband past and present. How can you change the course of your life to make a better future for yourself? Given that there are children to consider, the question, "Should I stay or should I go?", becomes immensely difficult to deliberate.
I think it makes sense to set as your first priority the treatment of your psychobiological illness. At the same time, you could use individual psychotherapy to begin to reconcile your past and honestly evaluate your thoughts and feelings about the present that you don't want and the future that you do want. After the passage of a relatively short period of time, I would then urge your husband to join you in couples counselling using the same psychotherapist.
I wish the best for you. I don't know what that is, though.
If you had your choice do act today, knowing that the dynamics within your marriage would never change, what would you do?
Hint: Suicide is not an option.
- ScottSome see things as they are and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not.- George Bernard Shaw
poster:SLS
thread:1026549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120922/msgs/1026697.html