Posted by rjlockhart37 on April 5, 2013, at 22:14:48
I've been reading people's post's here.....and have this feeling of no energy to even think on how to respond. I had several beers today, one after another....and plus beer is not my thing, alcohol is not my thing, but in the last resort sippin a vodka bottle is my personality when I feel like sh*t with nothing to make it feel better.
God I want to just get away from this horrible feeling! take my medicine in the morning, nothing....my body is a piece of crap that has to make complciations. Like right now, that mid effect feeling of alcohol, I can't sleep, but I can't seem to stay awake....its like this lifeless zombie state of nothing, no thinking, emotion, but I can't sleep. And in the first place, I hate alcohol I have no idea why I had the drinks I did. I just want to PUNCH something....get all this out, but I have no energy to do it....depresso came to my door, in shitville lol
god.....I am so sick my all this negative stuff happening, who knows what God is doing playing games? and procrastinating after all the prayers I have asked him....well not surprised, you know the best thing you can have is "not expecting the best.....not bothered by the worst" there are times I am so angry with jesus I want to post him the #1 person who lets people down, and enslaves them to making them pray to him and of course no awnser....but I can't write something like that....even how sh*tty I feel right now, I will regret it.
I know im an addict, I will do anything, every substance to change the way I feel, to get away from the sh*t miserable feeling.....and then have to deal with the side effects of the substances, meth.....love the rush of confidence, but the crash is the road to hell.....everything collapses during it, the positive feelings, it just destroys life during the crash....leaving to having do more until the dopamine neurons are burned out.
there's no benefit of me posting here....the only good thng is that I can get this out.....maybe someone 10 years from now will maybe run across this.....I hate my life, and hate the way I feel, and I hate the stupid choices I make.
r
not a scholar but understand distress
Med:
Prozac 60mg
Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Nuvigil 250mg
encourage you to avoid false beliefs
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1041764
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130322/msgs/1041764.html