Posted by Jay_Original1 on November 2, 2013, at 0:56:21
**WARNING----TRIGGERS**
Hey,
It's the original Jay from Canuckda back again. I guess I'll stick with the med part of this...I'll try my best.
I am in a state of very deep grief. I lost my Mom this past February, in a sudden tragedy. Now my Dad is in the hospital, with major dementia, and is going into a Long Term Care Home. I have been stuck, unemployed, in my Parent's home, where I have lived with them most of my life.(I am 44 btw). My Mom is gone, and she was so close to me especially in the past 10-15 years. My Dad doesn't even remember my name mostly, and is also dealing with kidney failure. He will never be back home though, and I am stuck, living alone, in my Parent's very lonely and seemingly empty bungalow.
Okay..the med part. I am on Prozac, Zyprexa, Cymbalta, Zeldox/Geodon, and Lyrica and clonazapam. I have this very weird anxiety that foster's more sadness and lonelyness. And, I just as heck can't sleep. I have the weight of being both my parent's Executor and Power of Attorney. I look after all of the bills, and credit/financial stuff at my Parent's home. They typical antipsychotics don't give me much relief, except in very high doses. But I have been researching and it looks like Thorazine/Largactil is a very good sedative. I can take 30mg of Zyprexa and it won't do much for me. Same with most atypicals. Thorazine also works on melatonin, which in large doses sometimes helps. I've tried other typicals and they barely work at regular doses. Seroquel MAYBE at 300-400mg doses in one shot MAY work before bed, but it causes too many problems with my blood sugar.
The Zeldox/Geodon helps with a bit of drive. But my Emotions really need slowing down. I sometimes think to myself that once my Dad passes, I should just end it myself. No, no, I have no intentions on acting on this, but it is a feeling of dread, that the world has just become dog-eat-dog all-out-for-themselves greed. I don't want any of that in my world.
Any help..I'd appreciate it. Thanks in kind...
Jay
Dx: Bipolar II with dysphoric mania NOS DOA SOL :)
Rx: Saphris 5mg qhs, Zeldox//Geodon 40mg bid, Prozac 40mg bid, Cymbalta 60mg qhs, Lyrica 300mg bid, Clonidine .4 mg qhs, Clonazepam 1mg qid
poster:Jay_Original1
thread:1053578
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20131025/msgs/1053578.html