Posted by Chris O on November 11, 2014, at 14:43:38
In reply to Re: Had my first rTMS treatment today » Chris O, posted by phidippus on November 11, 2014, at 12:15:12
Eric:
I believe that my mental illness is primarily anxiety driven. It is so all encompassing and so "lifetime" and I am so inside of it that it is hard to say anymore. I know that I do not move fast enough to function in the world, and that when I am in the world, everything is moving so fast that I cannot keep up. I am worried about being homeless all the time because I can't work and I am filled with guilt and rage because it is all so humiliating. It is especially humiliating in relationship to women because ... I cannot "be a man," so to speak, and radiate the outward flowing masculine energy that I know is stuck deep inside of me.
Anyway, I just finished my 10th treatment today. It's doing a bit of something; it's easier to push the anxiety-driven thoughts away; it might even be better than my Brintellix trial, but still not robust enough to get me functioning in the world. I noticed myself being more outgoing with people the last five days, but I am also feeling a bit lost inside. I use my anxiety; I fight against my anxiety to carve out an identity. Perhaps there is some relief and I am having trouble with that.
My psychiatrist was also suggesting rTMS-ing the right dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex for anxiety (versus the left, which is what is what is primarily what is done for depression). I don't know.
The whole rTMS thing does seem a bit sketchy to me, due to the number of variables and unknowns (for instance, placement location of the magnet on my head, which seems to slightly differ from day to day, and is done by one of the women working the phones in my psychiatrist's office, never by him) but I am desperate. If my relationship with my wife crumbles, I am in big trouble until I get myself back in working order.
Anyway, thanks for checking back with me. I hope all is well with you.
Chris
poster:Chris O
thread:1072998
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20141017/msgs/1073369.html