Posted by Garnet71 on February 3, 2009, at 22:19:47
In reply to Re: Diagnose me (please) - recommendations? » garnet71, posted by Phillipa on February 3, 2009, at 21:50:47
Hi Phillipa,
How come your post came to my personal email when none of the others do? You must be magic.
No, the post is not about Scott, who provides a lot of help to many members here. I was just seeking advice on how to get better, and had a disagreement with another member. It happens. It's a mental health forum.
Interesting you had your experience. I feel mostly (but not always) indifferent to the one I was involved with; sometimes pity, but it would be a lot easier to forgive if I was back to the way I was before he stole my positive traits and attributed them to himself (soul rape). It would be a lot easier if he didn't have a harem of not less than 2 dozen women - only to single one out who is "perfect" according to his idealization of the perfect mate - to break down once he realizes they are human and have flaws, emotions, and needs too. Even his online personal ad now has some of my former personality traits listed as his; the other traits are exactly the 'soulmate' he is seeking...the person he is seeking sounds just like me. He uses my positive traits, ones he was obviosly lacking before we met, to 'secure' others. I don't understand how your life energy can be passed to someone else. He is out having the time of his life with MY former personality traits. That's what's hard. It's identity theft of the soul..lol.
It's hard to explain how another person can steal another's most positive personality traits (it's not as if they are tangible). But the traits I used to have - that I can't get back - HE now has and like I said - are now posted on his online dating sites as him! His ad describes a combination of the personality he wants (with traits of mine he stole) - and the soulmate he disires which is a description of ME. He wasn't this person before me. It is the strangest phenomena, but nice to have someone to talk to about it.
What makes it hard to forgive as well, is he destroyed my wellbeing and after almost 10 years -had no remorse; there is no sincere apology; no emphathetic connection; no admission of fault in any of the emotional tornado. The hardest part, I think, is having no closure, hence my letting him suck me back into his life.
Of course there is a spectrum of abusive people such as him - some are on the low end; some on the high end. That affects one's recovery as well.
poster:Garnet71
thread:877609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20081006/msgs/877922.html