Posted by freeme on October 12, 2010, at 13:57:28
Hello - i need help and do not know where to go for it. Have had chronic depression my whole life. Self medicated with alcohol in my 20's. Was clean and sober for 16 years - spent most of it in misery - depression, anxiety, insomnia. Alot of fear of people. Was diagnosed with double depression 15 years ago. For years, tried all the medications - found nothing that helped enough to stay on it and put up with the horrible side affects. Tried every kind of alternative treatment i could find and afford. Some helped a little but not enough. Went on pain meds for leg pain for 6 mos. Went off it and was so depressed and anxious, started smoking pot and drinking alcohol. It works in some ways but I know the alcohol is very bad for me - drinking 5 or 6 drinks a day. The pot actually helps my anxiety and insomnia alot. Because it is illegal, it contributes to my reclusive lifestyle. I feel a great deal of shame for drinking. I want to be well and do not know where to turn to get off the stuff. I know i can't take medication and am afraid to go see a Dr. because that is all they do. I am afraid to get off the pot and alcohol because when I cut down or do not smoke for a day, I experience great anxiety and feel like i am falling apart - crying or angry - afraid i will have a breakdown. I was in AA off and on for years - always left because depression took over and i would isolate and too afraid to go to meetings and be around people. I have not seen a therapist or Psych. for many years. However, have seen some regular doctors (OD) - some who prescribed medication for anxiety, depression and insomnia. Years ago, I went through years of intense therapy, individual and group. Was released and told that i had not gotten to something inside me yet. I have not been able to work for about 10 years. I am afraid to go to a doctor for help because i have had many bad experiences with some of them. It is hard to think of going to some stranger and sharing my personal thoughts and feelings. I don't know anyone to refer me to a psych dr. I want to live a useful life and to be a part of. Reclusive living is very lonely. Any suggestions? Sorry this is so long and i hope makes sense!
poster:freeme
thread:965507
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20100930/msgs/965507.html