Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2006, at 17:27:21
In reply to Is it all my fault?, posted by All Done on October 3, 2006, at 16:10:52
No, it is not all your fault.
Our kids are born with their own personalities. And their own needs.
My son spent the first eight months or so of his life being held by someone, because he screamed bloody blue murder when you put him down. He didn't move to his own bed until he was two, and that's only because we bought him a really cool race car bed. On occasion we tried to let him scream it out. But my son is a pretty determined little screamer, and in general refuses to make any developmental step until it's *his* choice.
We had a bit of trouble at preschool, at the beginning, until he decided friends were more fun than Mom. Which he still most fervently believes.
Is he ok once you're gone? After the first few weeks they told me he was fine once I was gone. I verified that with a bit of espionage (there were convenient windows from outside), and once I believed it, I got pretty comfortable with dropping him off and letting him scream, since I knew he'd soon be ok. And maybe not even want to leave when I picked him up. But it could well be different, because my son *really* likes playing with other kids.
That being said, there was a persistent problem when he was in preschool with him being too afraid to do things without a lot of support from his teachers. We brought him to a perfectly awful counselor, who had one brilliant bit of advice (among the less brilliant bits) that pretty much solved the problem for us. He told us that when my son asked for instructions to simply tell him that we trusted him to know what to do. Or to ask what he thought he should do. And that was it. Whatever was in his little mind that made him think he needed to ask was answered by that reply.
So there might be something that your son is thinking, but is unable to articulate, that a counselor might be able to help you with.
If worse comes to worst, there's always the thought that this is a time limited stage. Eventually he won't *want* to show so much emotion in front of his friends.
Just keep in mind that you're a great mom. And your son is a terrific little boy. Learning things that you can do differently that might help doesn't mean you caused this problem. Although of course I think the same thing whenever my son is less than happy. :(
poster:Dinah
thread:691549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/691587.html