Posted by Racer on December 9, 2004, at 16:02:43
In reply to Re: Ugh!!! » Fallen4MyT, posted by saw on December 9, 2004, at 6:02:40
Seriously, Sabrina, unless you mean one of the big bags, which I doubt, you're not talking about a real binge, and need to think about your definitions. I mean that, too.
Again, I forget what meds you're on, but a lot of them screw with your hunger/satiety system. That's something to consider. Don't beat yourself up about your "lack of control" or anything like that, since that's just going to lead to things like punishing yourself by eating something you can feel guilty about later. Give yourself a little space, 'K?
Lemme tell you a little about what I'm going through right now, today, and the past couple of days. See if that helps any.
You know I'm in the refeeding stage of recovery, right? Just barely in, at that. I get overwhelmingly hungry early in the day, my satiety signals are totally out of whack, and later in the day my whole hunger/appetite/satiety signals are completely misfiring: all going off at once, it seems like. So, today, I had to work on something that's really stressful for me, beyond anything I can handle. And I had to handle it. So, I forced myself to do what I needed to do, but now I feel myself resisting the need to eat. I already have trouble making my goals, eating what I'm supposed to eat each day, and feel horrible when I do manage it anyway. It's a total no-win situation, emotionally, for me right now: if I do meet my goals, I feel guilty and ashamed for being such a pig; if I don't meet them, I feel guilty for not cooperating with my treatment. You know?
I think that's common for women with food. You probably have something similar going on, if you think about it -- one way or the other, it kinda feels as if you're punishing yourself. Either you eat, and feel guilty; or you don't eat, and feel the pain of hunger. Is that about the size of it?
How about sitting yourself down for a talk about how to meet your needs without punishment? Maybe think about things you could eat when the hunger strikes so hard that won't bring on the guilt? Or setting other coping mechanisms?
OR, BETTER YET, MAKING AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR WHEN YOU CAN TAKE A BULL WHIP TO DISCUSS WEIGHT GAIN IN A SUPPORTIVE WAY! (Sorry, don't want you to think I have any opinions on this. If I did, it might have something to do with doctors blaming patients and thereby deserving thirty five lashes with a garden hose. But it could be something else, too, right?)
Sabrina, I am too wound up with my own stuffage right now to say anything useful to you. Except this: whatever you do, don't punish yourself. You don't deserve it. No matter how much you think you do, you don't. That's the disordered eating patterns trying to suck you in. You deserve to get the support you need and want. Blessings on you.
poster:Racer
thread:426068
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20041128/msgs/426812.html