Posted by Racer on July 17, 2005, at 15:53:29
Oh, how I wish recovery could go in a linear path, just once in a while!
After having a pretty darn good week, late yesterday I got hit with a huge wave of the Feeling-Fats and depression to go along with it. By last night, I was in sad shape, and today it's not going away. I can't stand to be me right now -- not because anything is really wrong with me, just because I'm as fat as a house and it feels so sickening.
I really hate this. The scale says that I'm the same weight this morning as I was last Sunday morning. I know that this is just distortion. But that doesn't do a dang thing about how it feels.
Oh, I hate this. I wish I could just feel attractive. Even fat and attractive, maybe.
I know that it's got to do with things at home, but that doesn't help any. I know that I really want -- I *need* -- to feel as though I have some physical connection to someone else, but even knowing that doesn't help. Today I just feel so -- stuck, I guess. And, somehow, it feels as though I wouldn't feel this way if I were thin again.
GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
poster:Racer
thread:529107
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20050314/msgs/529107.html