Posted by Racer on December 16, 2007, at 19:54:30
In reply to Support for the holidays, posted by Maxime on December 16, 2007, at 18:24:48
I don't have quite the same problem, since my mother doesn't bake, but I do have trouble this time of year. It's just different trouble, although some of it does involve food.
For Thanksgiving this year, for example, my mother made holiday dinner, and included spinach for me. But put butter on it -- I haven't eaten butter on vegetables in about thirty years, and it was a reminder that my mother really can't see me. Even though it's been an issue at other family meals, it didn't occur to her that I never put butter or salt on anything served at the table. I also had to yell at her to stop her putting salt on everything on the table, since I wouldn't have been able to eat any of it. After thirty years, you'd think she'd notice some of that, wouldn't you? And then after dinner, she served coffee -- and brought me a nice cup of coffee with cream. At least then she stopped and asked -- after the fact -- if I took cream in my coffee. It was only then that she thought to ask if I even drink coffee? Gee, Mom, I don't drink coffee very often, since it upsets my stomach and makes me vomit. Again, not recent news, if she'd ever noticed.
That sort of thing bothers me a lot. I feel unseen, unheard, and generally isolated. (That's why I take my spinning wheel with me on holidays -- gives me something to do, so I can ignore them right back...)
My husband often tries to protect me, which I'm very grateful for. Mother will say, "Well, Mr X, what do you want for dinner -- I never know what to serve you." He'll say, "I can almost always find something I can eat -- you need to be concerned with what Racer will eat." It's a new feeling for me, having someone speak up for me. I like it, but doubt it'll change anything any time soon...
I'm also concerned about the idiotic comments the rest of my family make about me. Either someone will start telling me "what I have to do," or commenting on my weight -- "oh, much better now you've gained so much weight" -- or whatever they spew out. It doesn't matter how many times I say, "That's not a topic I'm willing to discuss," they don't listen. It's another reminder that they have no boundaries, and don't respect me.
Gee, now I feel much better, don't you?
As for your mother's baking, have you found anything helpful in the past? For instance, I've found that if I have a first bite, I keep eating -- no control whatsoever -- so I just don't even nibble. Or I have my "rules" -- one bite, three sips of water, for instance -- that slow me down and stop me from eating much. Or, there's always avoidance... Depends on how triggering your mother is -- take along some knitting, or a book, or whatever it is that you do to avoid too much interaction...
Sorry to go off on my own thing. I agree that it's a time of year we all need extra support.
poster:Racer
thread:801172
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20070820/msgs/801196.html