Posted by Dena on March 4, 2004, at 12:15:09
In reply to Dena!!!, posted by Miller on March 3, 2004, at 20:55:04
Miller -
I can't tell you what it meant to me to hear from you! I've missed you. I understand your decision to not post too often... sometimes I don't know what will be "block-worthy". I think I've been blocked for almost as long as I've been free to post! Still, I haven't felt led to leave, & I have made some dear friends through this board.
I understand what you said about being afraid of giving up your escape hatch for God. Yes, it sounds like an obvious choice, but we hold on to those things we believe will help us, & it's to my shame that I hold on to the very things that are hurting me. For me, it only shows me how little I really do trust God. I'm working through separating my earthly father from my heavenly Father... I've attributed too many of my father's shortcomings to God. Honestly, how can anyone escape their childhood without having it taint their image of God? I mean, does anyone ever come from a functional family? As a parent, I'm astonished at how easy it is to harm a child, even when you're trying to do the best for them! Anyway, it seems that learning to trust God is a life-long process, at least it's that way to me. I'd love to be able to just throw myself into His arms, no holds barred, nothing held back, no reservations... it's my prayer that He'll show me where I'm holding back & why. What I've learned so far, is that whatever I'm holding on to is based on a lie, & when He's shown me the Truth that replaces that lie, I've been set free, completely. Of course, I don't know that the lies are lies... they feel like truth to me, which is why I hold on to them, even when they're killing me.
I admire your truthfulness, your ability to admit to yourself, as well as to us, what you're struggling with. That takes courage and humility (now, don't go getting proud of your humility ;)) I'm glad to hear you're finding your way back to Church. We can't make this journey of faith alone - we're meant to be a Body. And someone else in the Body needs you - we all do.
God bless you, Miller. May He enable you to see yourself as He does.
Shalom, Dena
poster:Dena
thread:319925
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20040113/msgs/320152.html