Posted by Spriggy on February 14, 2005, at 22:20:45
I am a born again Christian. I have been a believer for almost 20 years now. I have experienced God in some amazing ways and He has made Himself so real to me that I could never doubt His existence or His presence.And now.. Here I am in the weirdest place of my life; deep, dark, depression. The "pit."
I've never been somewhere like this before; hopeless, broken, so weak. Maybe this is where God wants me to be but it sure is hard. I know if He placed me here (or allowed me to be here), He will get me through it but right now.. in this "here and now" , I feel so hopeless. I have lost that "spark" and "joy" that I have always had.For the first time in my life, I found myself this last week yelling out at God. " IF YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH then why won't you help me??"
God gave me a thought... maybe we often pray and seek Him to "rescue" us but instead, his desire is to show Himself to us through "sustaining us" instead of rescuing. I would rather be rescued out of this pit than left here and sustained, but I am sure Joseph (in the bible) felt the same way. And yet it was the very pit God allowed Joseph to enter that brought about God's plans for Joseph's future.
Maybe I should stop fighting God in this thing and just let Him do His work in me. It's very possible He is molding me, pruning me and changing me in ways that i can't even foresee right now because I'm "in the thing." But once I'm out of it, and have come "through" it, I will be able to look back on it and see why God chose this for me.
A verse He has given me over and over during this pit experience is in Isaiah:
" He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Isreal, Fear not, For I have redeemed you. I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you walk through the waters I will be with you. When you pass THROUGH the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk THROUGH the fire, the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God. The Holy One of Isreal, Your Savior."
I sure am looking forward to coming out of this and seeing how He faithfully got me "through" it.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
poster:Spriggy
thread:457936
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20050111/msgs/457936.html