Posted by sfmom on July 2, 2004, at 23:45:46
After resisting for a lot of reasons, I'm flying to South Carolina next Thursday to see my grandfather before he dies.
He was supposed to come out for my wedding in April, but he broke his hip late last year and was in a care facility. (That's just one of the things that sent me down the road to madness, or whatever this is.) Since then, he's pretty much much stopped eating.
Although he never seemed to care much for kids, Grandpa really fell in love with his great-granddaughter (my daughter Rosalie). So I had vacation scheduled for around Labor Day to go and visit but mom said that would be too late. Then two weeks ago my husband and I found a house we fell in love with and bid on it. We take possession on the 14th. My daughter and I leave to SC on the 8th.
I guess what all of this is leading up to is that I am scared to go. I am scared to see him knowing that I'm saying goodbye. I don't know how I will explain anything to my daughter. (The sudden death of one of my best friends a couple months ago elicited questions about "where did she go?" which I didn't know how to answer.) And at the same time, I'm angry at my family for making/guilting me into going when I should be packing and moving into my new house. I know it's self-centered, but somehow I'm angry at all of them.
But I don't want to f*ck up this last chance. I don't want to regret any part of it. I've never had the chance before to say goodbye to someone that I loved. So I guess what I'm asking is your advice/knowledge about how to make the most of this trip. How do I make it meaningful for my daugher without being traumatic?
And at the same time I'm writing this I'm feeling guilty for not staying in contact on this board and for just posting when I need help. I'm sorry, if I'm being selfish. But I'd really appriciate advice.
poster:sfmom
thread:362736
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040220/msgs/362736.html