Posted by Honore on April 7, 2007, at 12:23:41
In reply to sibling loss, posted by jacs on March 28, 2007, at 18:40:09
Hi, jacs.
Sorry that the memories of your sister's suffering and pain and the worst things are strongest now.
Maybe if you can remember some of the good times, things you did as kids, confidences, vacations-- whatever those memories are-- over time, you can put them back into their place, and have them, too.
Maybe it hurts a lot to remember the good times, but it could be that if you give them room, they'll grow.
My SigO lost his brother about a year ago. He was also a caregiver, although we didn't live in the same town. His brother came here to the hospital a few times, andstayed with us when he wasn't in-patient, and we were there quite a bit at the end, but a lot of it was over the phone. It was awful, but not anything like what you must have gone throught. For that, you have my profound sympathies.
My SigO doesn't tell me all he went through with his brother, but it is very very sad, and his loss is as great as anyone in the family. He was the one who was there for his brother in many ways that others weren't. Siblinghood-- is a very very special bond.
Luckily, his loss was acknowledged, and that's been very comforting for him, to know that he was able to speak for and about his brother at the funeral, to take care of him at the end, and to be one of the important mourners whose loss mattered.
Maybe there's some way that you can do things to reclaim your place, and to speak about your sister and all she meant to you, in a way that your relatives can acknowledge. It doesn't matter that time has passed. Maybe it's more possible now-- and would help you to feel that your importance was finally recognized. I know that does help my SigO a great deal, even now.
I'm sorry that you had to go through so much pain with your sister; those memories are hard to bear. You deserve tremendous respect and recognition for all you did, and for all the love you showed.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:745054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/747858.html