Posted by sandyann on July 4, 2007, at 13:50:46
I have had sevier anxiety and depression most of my life. I stay under the care of a psycharist.
I have one brother and many times I have worried over him and thought I could not live if anything ever happened to him.
I have a husband and a grown daughter. My brother was divorced and not children so I am his only survivor. We talked every day or two on the phone we lived in different states.
I got a call last Aug that he had not showed up for work for three days. I started praying so hard. They were sending someone over to his house. He had worked for the same company for almost 25 years and never missed work.
When the found him he had been dead for three days and the cornor told my husband it looked like a heart attack. When I heard this I screamed for a couple of hours and I could not cry because crying was not deep enough to cover the hurt. I take klonpin so I had to add some extra. Then the next day I got to his house and never expected to see what I saw there was blood where he had died and it was just a print of his body. I can't get this out of my mind and the house smelled. I cleaned the blood before I left.
I can't say in any words what this feeling was like. I looked into EMDR and went to a therapist that is trained in it and she would not treat me unless I was in a hospital.
My psycharist is now talking about ECT.
I am really wanting to do it because I need to forget. I want to hear from anyone that can comment I take enough medicine and went to some grief support meetings so I have done all I know about.
I am so desperate this is like having the worst nightmare come true.
sandyann
poster:sandyann
thread:767611
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20070414/msgs/767611.html