Posted by JustB on December 24, 2004, at 11:00:50
I don't do well under 'treatment'. I've been hospitalized for a year, then a week after discharge wanted to die. Again. That was many years ago, and it sucked. My family is afraid of me... and/or for me, I suppose. They are more enabling then helpful, but that's not their fault.
I've walked out of therepy and tried to comit suicide, leaving quacks mistified. I've wandered off for weeks, driving around the country looking for somewhere nice to die, only to bail out when I've found it... then wandered back home. I think it's guilt that saves me every time. I am not afraid of that.
It's been a bad year... a bad few years actually, and now my wife inists I do something or it's over. I don't blame her. It's do or die, I suppose, and that's alright by me.
No therepy for now, just started on Lamictal. No deadly rash yet, but there's still hope. Hopefully by spring this will all be over, one way or another. I've attained the goal of my life, that to see my kids grown. It's been a long road...
...and I'm tired.
b.
poster:JustB
thread:433750
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20040812/msgs/433750.html