Posted by nobother on November 7, 2005, at 9:53:46
Have a very severe form of depression. Me' mum would put it down to self pittying. (Thanks ma'), oh how wrong she is. Found out that I have been suffering for a very long time and my GP was waiting for me to finally ask for help. So I did. For over six months I have tried many forms of anti depresants. None of them had any positive effects. As I have never really taken anything other than your household pain killer before, I guess I was hoping to find something that would work quickly as it was a matter of life and death to me. Then my GP gave me Zispin. Otherwise known by another name, begins with M. (stuck in my seat and can't be bothered to go and get the box right now). But they hit me for six.
From the very first moment it dissolved on my tounge, I felt odd. Light headed and the usual side effects that normally happen after a few days. That night my head hit the pillow and for the first time in such a long time, I had a full night sleep. I switched off completely. My Husband said that I snored all night. However, I felt no better for it. In fact I was still switched off. After a few days, apparently I became another person, completely out of character. I was evil! I couldn't see it though. To me, my mouth never opened. Even though my husband asked me to stop taking them, I continued to take them because it was just a side effect, Right?
Well I've stopped because something really freaky happened. It was probably all in my head and means nothing at all. One night, I went to sleep no problem as normal for the last few weeks. When I heard one of my babies wake up. She wasn't upset she just wanted her bottle. I tried to get up but I couldn't move. I tried willing myself to get up but my body wasn't listening to me anymore. I knew I was asleep, but my mind was awake. I felt that I was stood next to my husband and telling my baby to go back to sleep. I was whispering to my husband but he couldn't hear me. Only, I wasn't actually out of bed. I started to wake up and tried to yell out to my husband but for some reason I couldn't speak or move so I gave in and allowed myself to go back to sleep. The next night I got out of bed at 4 am and slept walked to my other daughters room. I was facing away from her door and I know I was having a conversation with her. Although I wasn't. It was a dream but I woke up standing out side her door still babbling. I stopped taking them now without my doctors knowledge yet as I cannot get to see her yet. However, since I have never felt more alive. I know it's early days, but right now I am quite happy to be alive. My husband is glad to have me back too. It's been a long time since he heard me laugh.
Ps, hello to you all. I jumped straight in without saying hello because I was frightened I might bottle out.
poster:nobother
thread:576334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20050601/msgs/576334.html