Posted by safferchic on July 20, 2007, at 23:50:29
hi everyone,
I started reading this post when I entered "in love with my therapist" in google and came up with the most astounding thread imaginable.
I'm a 30 yo woman from Australia who entered therapy about 16 months ago.
Wow. I know I'm not actually sexually in love with my therapist. It is all about the mantra, it's the relationship heals. So, I understand that it is about learning to love myself.
I'm extremely fortunate to have an excellent therapist who likes me very much and has a great deal of respect for me. I think this stems mainly from the fact that I am training as a human services worker at the moment and my passion is mental health service delivery. Since we both have the same professional interests, our relationship has a dimension of professionalism from both sides.
I have been a sobbing little girl with him as I have been brave enough to go through the re-trauma of being sexually abused - this was tough as he is about 15 years older than me and a male. Very difficult for us both as my assailants were exactly that much older than I was at the time I was sexually abused.
I have been a sobbing little girl as I recently discovered that my mother kidnapped me from my father and sister when I was five and disappeared out of the state so she couldn't be traced; and that when my father did find me, he believed I was really his brother's kid so didn't do anything about the fact that I was with my mentally ill, dangerous, alcoholic mother; discovering a new family altogether and reconnecting with my sister.
But recently, I have started to really relate to him as a grown woman. My "arrested emotional development" phase has been completed in many respects and now it's learning how to relate to my family and myself as a woman. All the childhood catchup is almost complete.
In this way, I finally fessed up to him that I had been having sexual feelings about him. It was agony. I explained that we have now developed a trusting and loving relationship and that I would rather be totally honest and use this towards complete honesty than hide it away and feel as though I was lying to him by ommission. Also, I suppose it's a big test for patients of their therapist: to see if they will run away. Some do and this is a reflection of the therapist, not the patient in most circumstances.
I have been feeling quasi-sexually attracted to him now for about 8 months. I had had a couple of vague fantasies but they were more about being held and consoled, rather than sexual fulfillment. This tells me I'm on the right track and so is he. He was very good about it and we had our human moment together when we both just laughed with helpless embarressment. He is Croatian born and trained and is so wonderful at his job that when we, as people and equal human beings, were confronted by this uncomfortable aspect of the relationship, he took it in his stride and we could talk about it in the academic sort of way that made it feel less humiliating for me and more healthy for us as therapist and patient.
This is the way it ought to be. I haven't seen him since that session and I think that things might be awkward as *rse for a couple of sessions, but you know, we'll build a bridge and get over it. I figure if I could share with him my humiliation of being sexually abused - the ultimate helpless and humiliating position for any one - then we could work on this quasi-sexualisation of our relationship together.
I have been reading posts about a woman who's young, male therapist had an affair with her. In addition to the fact that she was experiencing all the emotions that we do when we settle for less, she had to go through the confusion of betrayal and hurt that her therapist could not stand by his moral and ethical commitments to her. I had a similar situation once when a nutritionist/counsellor that I went to see instigated something and when I responded, he pretended he had done nothing at all and referred me to someone else after weeks of phone calls, flirtations and turning up at places he knew I'd be. I spent a year questioning myself.
I really feel for "Jadah" when she was going through all this 3 years ago and sincerely hoped she has found a new therapist and someone who will grow to love her the way a therapist ought to - the way my therapist loves me.
I hope that I can be of some help and support here. I am happy to share and believe that until we start to really talk about mental health issues and patient/therapist relationships, we will continue to be victim to stigma, shame, awkwardness and have no support for the staggering amounts of sexual misconduct statistics that continue every day.
Thank you for hearing me.
poster:safferchic
thread:770840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20061013/msgs/770840.html