Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 22:28:58
In reply to The OTHER clients..., posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 21:48:53
Speaking as the client who always leaves and usually comes with eyes averted and head down....
It's mainly because before therapy I'm preparing myself. And after therapy, I'm too drained to want to even see anyone. I sometimes even walk down the stairs instead of the elevator because i don't want to be that close to anyone. It's very rare that I leave therapy with a bounce in my step and a desire to be with anyone. So it might just be her style, and particularly her style while at therapy.
As far as other clients go? I'm pretty sure my therapist enjoys being with some of them more than me. I'm not a bundle of laughs, I frustrate him terribly, and by his own admission he thinks I'm odd. I've seen people that I assume are my therapists client's leaving, and I mainly feel a bit of curiosity, certainly no jealousy. I'm always a bit curious as to what sort of therapy my therapist usually does.
I get the feeling that I'm one of his few very long term clients, so I know I'm "special" in that way at least. :) But that's not a particularly good sort of special. It might come up a bit more in the new office arrangement, because currently it's a clinic and you really can't guess whose clients are whose. Now people will be more clearly his clients. I really don't think it will bother me though.
Part of it is that for several years, my therapist really didn't like me. He wouldn't admit that of course. He says I mistake frustration for dislike, and he admits to having been frustrated with the tenuousness of the therapeutic alliance. But call it what you will, for several years, he did *not* enjoy seeing me. But through it all he behaved so well. It really gave me this huge trust in him. Even when he clearly disliked me, he behaved as he should. He was there for me, he tried to help me. He put up with my foolishness. How can you not trust someone who sticks with you despite dislike for you? I know it sounds odd, but it's the reason I feel so safe with him now. I don't feel dislike from him anymore, I feel frustration and anger on occasion, but not the dislike I used to feel. But I know that even if he grows to dislike me again, even if I totally alienate him, he'll still be there in my corner. He won't try to get rid of me. I can count on him to be there. It's a really nice feeling, odd as it sounds.
poster:Dinah
thread:238620
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/238633.html