Posted by Adia on October 9, 2003, at 23:01:35
In reply to Were you bullied as a kid?, posted by HannahW on October 9, 2003, at 21:47:45
Dear Hannah,
I am sending a safe gentle hug if ok to the little girl that was tormented and hurt so cruelly...
I do believe that those moments of hopelessness and of feeling worthless do shape your heart somehow...
Like Dee I was abused as a child and as a teenager till my father had to be hospitalized when I was 19.
In primary school I was really shy, I would not talk at all, and I remember the other kids would make fun of me and kick me and be cruel towards me but I just thought it was 'normal'.I remember a group of 5 boys that would chase me and throw themselves on me and I couldn't breathe..But my heart was...lost..because of what was happening at home, inside I had given up hope..So I just learnt to hide my feelings and fly away in my mind...(sorry for sharing all this)
Like you, I learnt not to show emotions either, because whenever I cried or begged, things would just get worse or I would be punished or told how bad or stupid I was...
It is hard to let go of that lesson...
I am glad that you are talking about it in therapy..I want to send lots of safety and understanding to the little girl in you.
love,
Adia.
> My therapy has turned toward the torment I endured at the hands of my 5th grade "friends." I was spat on, ridiculed for my developing body and acne, kicked, and tormented in any other way that a 10-year-old mind could think of. I used to cry and beg for forgiveness for whatever "sin" I had committed; and I also would cry and say "Leave me alone!" which the other kids would mock. Can you imagine 20 kids saying, "Leave me alone!" in their whiniest voices? It was a terrible year for me.
>
> Were you bullied? What did you do about it? Does it affect you now?
>
> My therapist talked about Dr. Phil's "10 Defining Moments" and how this was one of them. I don't watch Dr. Phil because I'm at work, but apparently people set "rules" for themselves at these defining moments. The rule I set for myself (I'm just now realizing) is that No One Will Ever Ridicule My Emotions Again. That's why I don't show my emotions to anyone but the most intimate of friends.
>
> I don't know that I really have any question, but I'm sharing my experience, and I'm interested in hearing anyone else's.
>
> Hannah
poster:Adia
thread:267558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/267599.html