Posted by EscherDementian on March 2, 2004, at 20:10:17
In reply to Re: Body Memories » EscherDementian, posted by DaisyM on March 1, 2004, at 21:30:14
Hmmm... i think the keywords about the shaken baby reference were "as in", meaning trauma that occurred before the developmental level that allows us to have memories with classifications...
BUT i do appreciate the comments you both shared.
i'm trying to understand this current frightening sequel to the 'terror episodes' that began the most terrifying part of my PTSD healing journey.The term "body memories" seems to be a common one, known by the pdocs working through this with me. i would very much like to know how these events are explained, how they presently occur, and also healing assistance 40yrs after the initial traumas were incurred and 'forgotten'. (?)
Most of my experiences called "body memories" have come without the (previous mental 'terror episode' characteristic) triggering of fight-or-flight hormones & chemical change that was hijacking my health and reality... These "body memories" painfully re-create the 'feel' of physical trauma without any explanation or present cause, nor emotional initiation.
For example: i awoke in the morning feeling as though my ribs were being squeezed in, very painfully, and then my head, neck and hip joints began to have extreme pain, also. Then i can't breathe, i can't inhale a full breath and i feel scared only by my looming inability to breathe fully. (Attempting to walk, there is no strength or balance whatsoever in my legs and i fell).
The height of the traumatic pain may last only 10-15 minutes or so, but i am then severely sore for many hours or more. The physical locations have been shifting with the 'events'.
A few times in the late afternoons or early evenings my left jaw and inside of my cheek and lower lip have suddenly become painful and then swollen.
Yet with one of the painful 'events', i was troubled by seeing big red berries on each and every bush and tree on our property (not really there). i suppose perhaps like (Holly?) i remember in my childhood, but there is no specific memory to go with the very REAL physical pain _as though_ i were clearly thrown into a bush larger than myself. But there is no memory of this. Just real physical pain and emotional anguish.My poor body feels just exhausted right now, after a week or better of these 'events'. And i feel fragile so close to the surface with very deep emotions. i suppose there is no other course than to simply Take Care of myself through this part of the process, knowing that it comes up to be healed and released... but i welcome learning all i can about it to assist in the healing. Being so cerebral all these years, i feel more capeable when i can understand ~in the face of horrors.
A safe environment of loving kindness; honest and true caring for the best interests of my little unique soul... Creating this environment where it did not exist before is powerful medicine. But i sure hurt right now.
Re-experiencing in Now time,
Escher
poster:EscherDementian
thread:318813
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/319521.html