Posted by tinydancer on March 5, 2004, at 4:21:36
Since my last paycheck fluttered out the window I've started examining my spending habits. Now, I'm a girl who loves to shop. I love to buy clothes, and makeup and all that girly stuff. A few years back I had kind of a meltdown and charged 10K worth of such goods. So its not like I haven't had such a problem before. However I have no credit cards now, nor will I ever get one again (that much is within my control).
In the last few months I have seen my usage of money increase dramatically. I used to be satisfied with window shopping every other day or so, but now I must buy things. It's sort of like every little thing I buy gives me a little charge of security and love and comfort. More and more I sense myself becoming very blank when I shop, not reacting to prices whatsoever, just buying whatever my pretty little (spoiled) heart desires.
This is a problem, because we don't HAVE the money for such outings. (I've been out of work on disability for nearly a year, the pay is nothing) Yesterday I guess I saw it come to a head and scared myself, even though I felt helpless to stop myself, because inside I was hurting to much to deny myself.
I bought shirts, and jewelry, and a new purse (ummm $50 plus a matching wallet). I kept going until my account was cleaned out. I literally spent about $200 total, all more or less on myself.
The thing is, this does goes in swing. Some periods can be worse than others, and I definitley see this particular period as being a bad one, but then I can suddenly stop. I don't really know how to identify if I have a problem. If I do, I also don't know if I can or want to stop, because I don't feel like I have any other outlet to dull the pain. (I guess this is the current form of self injury for me.)
Anyone who can relate to this? Thoughts? Advice?
poster:tinydancer
thread:320525
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/320525.html